Dreamer

I need a bite from a Happy Bug!*~

2008-12-07T04:29:00.000Z

Life is so sad and disappointing sometimes. It’s days like these that I wish I could disappear or simply don’t exist. Feeling sad is what I always feel lately and it really sucks! I really hate feeling sad all the time. Is being HAPPY so hard to feel lately? I just want a bite from a Happy bug. Just one bite that’s all I ask for. One tiny itty-bitty bite. Here, you can even bite my arm over here (showing my arm) or here, I don’t mind really…Please bite me before I go insanely mad! : (

Not good enough?

2008-12-06T19:37:00.005Z

How would you feel if you were engaged to lets say a guy and his mom knows about it but then goes to look online for a girl for her son. First reaction? The mom doesn’t like the girl so she is looking for potential girls for the son so that he doesn’t marry the girl who he is engaged to. Wouldn’t you feel that way if someone were to tell you that? That’s how I felt when my boyfriend told me what his mom did. -_-. He said it was a joke, but I didn’t get it. Just the feeling that she thinks I’m not good enough for her really really good-looking son (that's what she described to the woman she saw online about her son). So what did I do to make her feel that way about me? I was always nice to her whenever we met. It just saddens me you know? Just tell me how would you feel if you were in my shoes? Would you laugh about it or feel the same way as I do? : ( Sometimes people do mean what they say when they joke. I don’t know how true she feels about it or I’m just being too sensitive. Tell me, am I? In this case I don’t think I am being sensitive. He said that if his mom really meant what she said, shouldn’t I prove to her that she’s wrong? I never did anything to her to make her doubt me. I treat both her son and her well, so why? I never discourage him to not be close to his mom, I always encourage him to be close because family is important. Does she really feel this way about me? Really? * sob *

He said I should care more about what he thinks and not his mom. But he’s wrong, I do care about what his mom thinks, I care because it’s his mother and I just do! PERIOD!!! So when I heard him telling me this, I felt like a slap in the face where the pain just never goes away. Maybe she just thinks it’s easier for him to marry someone nearer to him like in Austria or Germany instead of Malaysia. The hassle and the culture differences. But it doesn’t matter, my mom is worried as well, I understand. But it’s only because I don’t know anyone there, no friends, no family support, I’m all alone! Whereas he has friends and family there. I only have him! I think it’s a bigger risk for me somehow. Because I will be leaving everyone behind, people I love, people I care about, my friends, the food, the language, the culture, etc. A lot!~* At the end of the day, he still has his mom. It’s hard for me to leave my family behind; I don’t think he knows that. I’m a family oriented person, and I sometimes feel that I’m selfish to do this to my parents and sister. Self-centeredness where I only care about my happiness. They always ask me, are you really willing to give us up for him? The answer is I don’t want to give them up and I’m not giving them up, I will always love them without any doubt for I am grateful for what they have done for me and the love isn’t just going to go away over night. They do mean a lot to me and I want to do this without regrets because living in regrets isn’t the way to live.

But I’m really sad by what she did. It will forever be in my mind. Maybe she doesn’t like so much the fact that I’m Asian, some mothers they say they don’t care but deep down inside they do. I don’t know about her, I’m just saying ‘maybe’, because you just never know? I never thought I will end up with a white person, sure when I was younger I did but as I grew up, I grew out of it. The media influenced me a lot when I was younger - with white people being the best race and all, but it’s not true, everyone is equal, just that the media portrayed it that way and I was young and naïve but not anymore, or not so much anyways. But I know I started to prefer someone of the same race as me, no offence, that’s just how it is, people tend to go for their own races instead of a different race and that’s a fact. I’m not saying everyone, but the majority. So anyways, what I’m tying to say is that she should know that I don’t have any ulterior motives towards her son. I just plain love him and I want to be with him. And I don’t want/ feel the need that I need to convince her or anyone for the fact that I AM good enough for him, if not BETTER!!!

>> Let me sleep <<

2008-12-02T05:43:00.002Z

I wish I could sleep my life away,
Sleep and never wake,
So peaceful and nice,
So perfect and beautiful,
A place where I can never be when I am awake,
So please do not disturb me,
For I wish to sleep forever,
Forever and ever.
Never to wake another day,
Please let me sleep,
Let me sleep,
For I am the happiest when I sleep,
Where all problems are forgotten,
Where life is how you imagine it to be,
Peaceful and nice,
Perfect and beautiful.

Wishing for an understanding mom

2008-11-30T04:15:00.001Z

Sometimes I feel I can’t tell my mom anything! She is so quick to judge and she stays with what she thinks and never tries to understand or look at things from another angle. She complains that I don’t tell her things and when I do, she isn’t happy about it. So what then does she want me to tell her exactly?

Would she like me. . .

(a) to twist the truth?
(b) tell her some but not all?
(c) lie to her?
(d) tell her none of the above?

I have always been truthful to her now than I ever was and what I get from it is nothing but a huge disappointment in her eyes and her never-ending judgment. I’m sorry I can’t be that perfect daughter you want me to be, someone who follows or does everything to your liking. I am not that person and I never will be. I do most of the things you want me to do because I know it will make you happy but sometimes I just can’t do everything you want me to. I want to live my own life and not the life you want me to live. I still love you but you just have to accept me for who I am and not treat me this way whenever I tell you something truthful. Not everyone can be that truthful to their parents like I am. You should be happy I don’t hide things from you. I just wish you could understand me.

Almost a perfect day . . .

2008-11-29T16:19:00.000Z

What a day!~* ^^ I got up this morning feeling happy and well rested. It was raining but not too heavy and the weather felt really cool for once. I drove to Kimberly Street market with my parents because my mom wanted to get some chicken and prawns and well, the freshest way to get it mostly is the market. It took me about five rounds before I manage to find a perfect parking place. It was worth the wait because we manage to get a really nice place to park and not too far as well. So after marketing, we went to have brunch at my favourite Chicken rice shop, ‘Tho Yuen’. They have the BEST chicken rice in the world!~* It’s my favourite anyways. I have been there so many times and yet I still love it! I don’t think I can ever get sick of it even if I were to eat it every single day. My mom wanted to order the noodles there because she loves the noodles and well, not too crazy like me over their chicken rice. I wanted to eat the chicken rice but then I told my mom she could order anything she wanted because it isn’t fair to her that we all have to eat chicken rice because of me so even though in my heart I wanted chicken rice, I didn’t mind so much eating noodles for a change. So she ordered and while we were waiting, in came my tua ee (aunty) and tiau-tiau (uncle). We asked them to join us because well, our table was kind of big and there weren’t any other places to sit except at the corner near the sink (not a very nice table I might say). They wanted to order noodles as well so we decided to share with them ours and order another one and I told my mom if it is not enough, I do not mind eating the chicken rice myself because the noodle was taking a really long time to cook whereas the chicken rice is already ready and they just need to cut the chicken. Kind of like an excuse to eat chicken rice and not feeling too bad about it. So my mom ordered chicken rice for me. ☺ I got what I wanted, they got what they wanted and everyone was happy!~* ^^

After brunch, I drove home and decided that I did not want to stay home the whole afternoon. I needed to get out of the house for some strange reason. So I called Lian Yee (one of the twins), my high school friend/classmate to hangout at Queensbay Mall. Her twin sister Lian Yin, also my friend/classmate could not make it because she was working so I hung out with only one twin today which was really rare because I usually hangout with the both of them together. They are inseparable like Siamese twins. ^^ So anyways, we watched the new 007 movie, ‘Quantum of Solace’. We caught the 2:20pm movie. The movie was not so great, I guess I expected it to be better. That is one of the reasons why one should never and I mean NEVER have high expectation for any movie at all because in the end, you just tend to get disappointed. It’s just that this 007 movie was lacking of a few things like impressive gadgets/high technology and definitely a beautiful woman. The supposedly leading actress is not what I expected of a bond girl. Bond girls are supposed to be stunning and really gorgeous like Halley Berry or Michelle Yeoh and etc. But this actress was nothing special, she looked plain and normal, nothing about her that makes me think she should be the bond girl. I only rate this movie a 5/10. Watchable,…well, only because it’s a James Bond movie. ☺

After the movie, we walked around to do some shopping!!! There were sales everywhere. I Love shopping and great bargains (who doesn’t?). I got a dress from Jusco. It’s a really cute black dress with lace and a bit of frills. It was love at first sight so I just had to try it on and it fitted me perfectly so I got it without any hesitations. After all it was the last one left! ^^ It’s really hard to find nice dresses. I’m so crazy over dresses at the moment but I can’t seem to find any shoes to go with them. * Sigh * Lain Yee got herself a stripe pink and grey top from Padini. Boy was the queue for the fitting room long and even longer to the cashier. It was really long that it reached the shoe section, Vincci. I bet you could charge people if they wanted your space (if you are near the cashier of course) in order to not wait so long until their turn. I know I would. The line was so long that I got nauseous by just looking at it. I usually won’t border with getting anything if I were to see a queue that long but I waited patiently because it was my friend who wanted to get the top and not me. So I waited with her. After shopping, we decided to eat dinner at Mc Donalds. Lian Yee got the Fillet of fish set and I got the fried chicken set. I know, I know…chicken again! What can I say? I love eating chicken!!! I’m only addicted to three things which is mayo, chicken and potatoes. ☺ I only ate the chicken at Mc Donald’s once and this was my second time. I usually go to KFC for fried chicken but I decided to try it again and it was really good. I liked it. Will definitely order it again. Dinner was really long because we were catching up with each other. We had so much to talk about because I haven’t met her for more than a year and she is one of my good friends. We left after dinner and I drove her to her house but we couldn’t stop talking. Even after reaching her house, I parked outside her house and we continued talking for a few minutes. ^^ Women huh? lol

Well, the reason why it’s almost a perfect day is because I didn’t get to talk to my boyfriend today, infect, for this whole weekend! He’s in Prague on a company trip. I miss him so much and it’s so hard to be so far apart. I wish he wasn’t so far! It’s been 2 months plus since the last time we met and talking online on msn or skype is just not the same as in seeing him in person. ☹ * sigh*

So near and yet so FAR!~*

2008-11-28T13:48:00.001Z

The saying ‘so near and yet so far’ lately is my life! I experience so many things that happened that seem so near that I could even taste it but never got it. Like when I was called for an interview for a Graphic Designer post in UK, it was the perfect place because it was so near to where I was living. I could reach the company in less than 5 minutes from my door to the company’s door. It was that freaking near!~* The interview went well, I liked the job that they were offering me, it sounded really nice and the 2 ladies who interviewed me were really nice as well. They liked my portfolio and they called me for a second interview, which unfortunately I was not in UK at that time, I was in Salzburg visiting my boyfriend. I told them about my situation and they agreed that I could send the design I did for the second interview over the Internet following the brief, which was given by the company. I did the research, the sketches, everything. I gave it a 110% because I really wanted the job so much and I was happy with the logo I came up with and I sent them a detailed explanation of the logo as well. My parents, sister, boyfriend and friends said it was a good logo and they liked it but unfortunately I did not get the job. They did not say why but I know I was really disappointed. I should have asked them why, but I was too sad to even ask them anything. It is times like these that I feel I am not a good designer. I know that design and art is very subjective, but when you get turned down, you cannot help but wonder and feel this way about yourself.

And today, I went for an interview in Penang for a cosmetic company where they design all the designs here for packaging, and they do the printing here as well because it is so much cheaper compared to the UK. They do not sell the products in Malaysia, only in the UK and Europe. I was really excited because the company is so near to where I live as well!~* I should have seen this coming! GOD!~* and the interview went great as well, it lasted about 45 minutes. The guy who interviewed me seemed to like my work as well. He said that after he saw my resume and my portfolio, he wanted to meet me because he was impressed and blah blah blah. He wanted to meet me before he went off to the UK for a month, this job requires traveling overseas like UK, Europe and China (to see about the containers for the cosmetics) and I find that interesting and fun because you get to explore your horizons and you get inspired as well and you are not just tied down here in the office every single day. And most of all, they mostly design packaging designs!~* Which is my DREAM job because I love packaging design, anything to do with paper!~* I love designing cards as well or doing scrap booking (not like there is a job for that). So I was really excited but unfortunately he said he wont be able to offer a job at the moment because it is end of the year and if he wants me, he will contact me in January 2009. ☹ He said he will KIV (keep in view) me for any freelance job. How sad it that? I want to work full time and I want to work now and not next year and I definitely do not want to be ‘KIV’ed, unless it is going somewhere because a lot of companies just say that but then they just forget about you. I bet they just throw your resume away the minute you walk out the door. To me, I think that it is just a polite way of saying you are not right for the job. Hmm…just my luck huh? I hope he will have some freelance job for me then I can work freelance and at the same time have a full time job. I did that before and it was fun, it keeps you occupied and you can add it to your portfolio so why not? We will see I guess. I hope I can find a nice job, but you know? Most companies want designers who can do everything from print to websites to 3D. I specialize in print and advertising but I do not like advertising so much. I love print stuff more. So it is pretty hard to find a company who does just print stuff. It is different overseas, but in Asia that’s the way it is, ‘Multitasking’!

Feeling Alone

2008-01-06T23:02:00.000Z

Sometimes I just feel so alone in this world. I'm feeling so down right now and I just want to cry. Cry cry CRY!!! I just want to cry myself to sleep. Why not? I may feel better after that. I know I should stop feeling this way and just toughen myself up! I used to be so much stronger when I was younger. What happened to me? I should be moving forward and not backwards! I want to be TOUGH! I want to be UNBREAKABLE! I want to be UNTOUCHABLE! I just want more strength than I have right now. So much has happened since the last time I blogged. I actually thought of abandoning this blog because well, I'm just not used to blogging things down for people to read. I just want a private blog for myself. To make myself feel better after typing down my feelings of frustration, unhappiness, and etc.

Lifehouse-first time

2007-06-06T00:14:00.001+01:00

I finally got the single First time by Lifehouse. I have been searching and searching for their new single but I couldn't find it. Then today I was talking to Yve, a girl I met on last.fm, she sent it to me and I now have it. Yay!~ I'm so happy now that no words can describe! *jumping here and there*

Happy Easter!*~

2007-04-08T18:18:00.000+01:00

I didn't know that Easter was such a big deal here until now. Today I went out with Jin Jin wanting to get some stuff but all the shops were closed. I was wondering why at first and then it struck me, it's Easter*!~ It is a very Big deal here, like Christmas because all the stores usually close on Christmas. It's different I guess, because back home, even Big holidays like Hari Raya, Chinese New Year and Christmas, shops are still open, maybe not all but some, whereas here, all the shops are closed! It's quite nice in a way because the city center was quite deserted today and it's quite nice for a change.

Jin Jin and I went to Castle Park today after knowing that the shops wont be opened and there were quite a number of people there actually, I guess it's because the weather was so nice today. It was sunny, it wasn't that hot or cold either. We hung out at the playground for awhile, took some pictures and was about to leave soon when a couple came up to us to ask us whether we wanted to picnic. For a minute there I thought that they were asking us to join them for a picnic. Was a bit confused at first but then later I understood what they were trying to do, they were giving out free lunches to random people. The reason was because it was Easter! They were so nice*!~ They gave us each a brown paper bag which contained a hot cross bun, a bun with beef filling, some baguette and hot chocolate!

Jin Jin was so happy that she couldn't wait to eat. I guess it's because she only ate 2 apples today. lol...she's so funny and I really love hanging out with her. She makes me laugh because of the way she acts. She's really like a cartoon character. There is no one else out there like her. She's one of a kind. Anyways, before I finished taking pictures of my free lunch as a remembrance, Jin Jin had already eaten her lunch! She's really fast*!~

The people who gave us free lunches. The man in red and the woman in black were the ones who approached us. The lady in grey came later.

Me with my free lunch*!~ Feeling HAPPY!~* :)

A really HAPPY JIn Jin*!~

My free LUNCH*!~

3 phrases from the bible that was put into the brown bag as well...:)

Disrespectful!

2007-04-04T00:47:00.000+01:00

These past few days has gotten me really mad and angry at how people can be so rude to the older generation. I mean where is their sense of respect? What I'm talking about is none other then my cousins. I don't know what is going to happen but one thing for sure is that my family is falling apart. Not the immediate family because my mom, dad, sis and I are close. I mean my aunt and her oh so rude children. I mean just because you are earning big bucks it does not mean that you can treat others like shit man! I mean come on? We are a family here and we can only hope for the best and be there if they ever need us but what do they think? They think that we have intentions and that we don't really care or love them and etc. I mean what the FUCK! Okay...I don't usually curse but this is an exception! I'm so mad and furious right now. How can my cousin blame my mom for his marriage failing? I mean come on? What did my mom do? he's living so far, he hardly calls, we hardly see him and my mom is the cause of it? Hello? It makes no bloody sense!!!! And for his wife to send such rude sms's to my mom like' Taking no more shit' is so rude! What the HELL are their problems? Are they mentally MAD? Insane? Is my cousin that pathetic to take the side of his crazy wife over his family? Yes..he even said that if his dad does not shut his mouth, he can't come to visit them in Singapore? Talk about ungrateful! I mean his parents. Hello? His parents were the ones who brought him up, gave him a good education and etc and he picks his stupid, insane and sick in the head wife over his parents? I just don't understand. All his dad said once was 'Cindy has her good and bad points' and he went on saying that he too has bad points. He was talking to Cindy's mom at that time and she got mad! Can you believe it? It's a fact. No one is perfect and everyone has their good and bad points. Everyone knows that. She started screaming and my poor uncle now is not really himself no more. He doesn't want to open his mouth because he's scared that he'll make things worse. He used to be loud, happy and loves to talk. Now he's quiet and doesn't joke much. My uncle is a great man! He does not need this from his stupid son, let alone his daughter in law! I just hope the saying what goes around comes around is true. Idiot!

But what I can't stand most is how he can send those nasty sms's and e-mails to my mom. I'm so damn mad now I'm going out of my mind. And don't let me get started on his younger brother, my cousin as well. I think his brother and his brother’s wife as well as his mom poisoned him into thinking clearly. Actually I think their whole family is crazy and I mean crazy! They should all go for counseling or see a psychiatrist. They are all MAD! My poor mom. I wish I could help her. As if she doesn't have enough things to worry about with my sisters wedding arrangements and etc. I told my mom that I'll support her decision on whether she still wants to do anything with the 'Lims'. I for one am already fed up with them and we don't need them. It's their lost to not be close to us because we are generous, honest and we care for them and we don't need to prove and go on saying over and over again that we love them to get slapped back in our faces by them telling us that we have intentions. Uh..yeah..Intentions…right…what are they? Seriously? If that’s not insanely mad, what is? To HELL with them! Their family is already is deep shit anyway from what I can see. So good luck to them! I think they need more then luck! But whatever! I don’t care anymore. We don’t need their crap!

I just hope my mom's okay. I just talked to her on skype a few minutes ago and she sounded sad and hurt. I mean who wouldn't be?

Down with the flu. . .

2007-04-01T13:04:00.000+01:00

I'm down with the flu again! I feel so weak today...*cough* *cough* *sniffles* It sucks to be sick*!~ I hate feeling weak!!! Well, at least I have Internet connection. :) It was down on Friday and Saturday. Am glad that it's up again! At least I have something to do. I was so bored yesterday because I didn't have to work so I spent my time playing around with Photoshop and listening to my music.

Getting forgetful!

2007-03-26T01:49:00.000+01:00

I'm getting so forgetful these few days...Ggrr....my mom just called me and she scolded me for not transferring the accommodation money from my savings to my debit account and I got charged GBP38 for not having enough funds in my debit account when the University tried to deduct it. GBP38!!! Can you believe it?!? I could have bought a really extremely nice top for that price, or even a dress instead of donating it to the bank! Aaargh!~* I have to stop being so forgetful! Maybe it's the old age getting to me...maybe...but imagine getting a call from your mom at 1:30am just to scold you for being so forgetful. :( *sigh*

New ideas*!~

2007-03-23T12:39:00.000Z

I'm so happy today!*~ I went to see the other tutors Column and Rob because Carol, my tutor is off to see her very ill dad. It's because of her that I went to see Column and Rob about my 'Superstition' project that I'm doing and I got more ideas from them then I ever did from Carol. I'm so excited now!~ At first I was quite bored with what I was doing because Carol never really gave me much comments on my work whereas Column and Rob, they were giving me so many ideas and the minute they said something, I could imagine how I would film it. Now I have so many things to do this Easter break that I think I wont be getting much sleep! Oh it's exciting*!~ I really hope that I will get more marks this time. I actually wish I got Column or Rob as my tutor instead of Carol but it's just my luck to get her again. *sigh* So I don't know why SY is complaining about getting Rob as her tutor and that she wants Carol. He is way much better! That is one thing about SY, she doesn't like changes. She likes things the way they are where she is most comfortable. Whereas me, I like changes...not to the extreme but changes is what makes life interesting and challenging.

The past is haunting me!!!

2007-03-22T21:40:00.000Z

I don't know what is wrong with me? Why does my past still haunt me? Arrgh!*~ It's so annoying!!! I hate it so much! I hate looking so vulnerable and most of all, I don't want to think of what had happened because the past is the past and I don't want to relive the past!!! :(

I was talking to my flatmate just now in the kitchen...I don't know what we talked about but I started thinking of SY again and the unhappy memories of what she did to me while I was studying during my college years came back to me again. I felt like I was reliving it again and I felt so sad and hurt just thinking about it. I want to move on and not back! I want to forget! Forget everything!!! I hate hate HATE feeling this way!!!

I'm not saying she's a bad person, but she's the kind that you can't get too close with because she tends to hurt you. People who don't know her that well will think that she's an angel. But I've been hurt one two many times from her that I'm keeping my distance away from her. No one will ever understand what I went through so it's no use telling anyone as well. I don't like talking bad about people behind their backs and I definitely don't want to talk anything bad about her even though I know she does talk bad about me behind my back because I've heard people telling me what she said and it really hurts because she’s just pretending to be nice in front of me. So now I know what she thinks about me, I'm not going to be that close to her. Sometimes I wonder if being nice to people really worth it? I try being nice to people because I like to help people who needs my help and I don't expect anything in return. I just like treating people the way I like or want to be treated and I just like helping people…that’s just me. Is that so wrong? So then why do I get hurt so many times? Sometimes people think that the reason I'm being so nice to them is because I want something from them. Arrrgh!~* I'm just feeling really sad right now. *sigh*

Eventful day

2007-03-19T23:56:00.001Z

Today I went to Well's and Glastonbury. It was a free trip organised by Julien for International students. Only SY and Me managed to wake up this morning to go to our campus at BA at 8:30am for the trip. PS, Jin Jin and Christina were too tired. We're all tired for the lack of sleep we got these few days because we've been partying non-stop!~*

First we went to Wells to visit the 'Wells Cathedral'. It was really beautiful! I love the architecture, the colour, everything! But I still say that the cathedral in Bristol is nicer then the one in Wells. My opinion anyways. But one thing I like about the Wells Cathedral is the cat. They have this orange cat called 'Louis' and he's known as the 'Wells Cathedral Cat. They even have postcards and other stuff of him at the souvenirs shop. He's really cute and he's the first cat I touched ever since coming to the UK. After exploring the cathedral, we walked around the whole town and took some pictures. It's a really small town and we finished exploring the whole town with 20 minutes to spare before we had to leave for Glastonbury.

At Glastonbury, we walked to 'TOR' where it's on the mountain and we had to climb a really steep hill. When we were about to reach the top, the wind was so strong that I thought that I was going to be blown away. And you know that I'm not that thin so you can imagine how strong the wind was. Even some of the guys who went on the trip looked like they were going to be blown away as well...Haha...It was scary actually.... But after getting to the top, it was so beautiful!*~*!~ The view was spectacular and I can see why people want to climb up to TOR. So after taking some pictures, we walked around Glastonbury and there were so many shops selling spiritual stuff. It's my kind of place to shop but boy were the things there expensive! But I managed to get something, I got a 'fake chandelier' made of plastic. It's a miniature one which is really cute*!~ I love it so much!

I got back to me flat at around 6:20pm. Was cooking my dinner when Julie came in to ask me whether I wanted to go skate at the ice rink. And I said yes because I've only tried it once and I would love to know how to skate. Although I remembered the last time I went was in Vancouver with my cousins. But they were horrible teachers. I was holding on to the side most of time trying not to fall...So yesterday, Julie, Felipe, PS, SY and me went to the ice skating ring. Julie was so nice, she taught us how to skate and I know how to skate a bit not.... although I still need to hold someone's hand, but I can balance myself a bit now...But the scary part is that I don't know how to control my speed. When I go fast, I really go fast and I don't know how to stop. I don't know how people do it. But I definitely want to learn how to skate! Will go again when I'm free...yeah...

A great evening turned into a disaster!

2007-03-18T04:59:00.000Z

I just got back from the emergency room while accompanying my flatmate/friend Julie, Philip (Julie's boyfriend) and Philip's friend who got hurt while we were at a club. One girl was teasing some guys and when she kissed one guy, her boyfriend started a fight where bottles were thrown and etc. It all happened so fast that all I can remember was SY telling me that a fight is going on and everyone was pushing and the next minute I know, I was separated with SY and was at a corner shielding myself by covering my face behind PS's shoulder. I can remember seeing something slow motion coming my way and it hit me. At first I thought that it was water but when I looked down, I saw glass. Then the bouncers were there breaking up the fight. Then I asked PS if she was all right and she was, then I walked and saw SY and she said she was all right as well....feeling relieved, I turned to look at the scene to see what was really happening and I saw this red shirt guy, who actually tapped my shoulder once on the dance floor to show me a thumbs up sign. I just turned away and continued dancing with my friends. He looked drunk as well as a pervert so I ignored him. I don't think meeting people at clubs is a good way because they are usually there for one thing, which is one-night stands. So anyways, after knowing it's him, I turned to my left to see Julie's face full of blood. She scared the day lights out of me. She looked like she was from a horror film or something. Then Philip got hurt as well, there was glass in his eyelid, Then we all agreed to leave the club, so we took our jackets and left. We stood outside the club to see if anyone else was hurt and how badly hurt were they. One of Philip's friend called the ambulance where Julie, Phillip and Philips friend sat to go to the emergency room. SY, PS, Morrat, J and me walked to the hospital to see if everything was okay. We were there for more then 1 hour, almost two, just waiting for our turns even though there wasn't many patients...that I really don't understand. Anyways, thank god everyone's okay and I’m really glad that the glass thrown towards my direction did not hurt me even though it got me. But what scared me was that Julie was standing beside me when that happened. I think the Buddha I wear around my neck really protected me.

Before all these, we had a party at our flat. A farewell party for Philip where he invited his friends over. It was really fun because Julie's and Philip's friends are all nice. We drank, ate, took funny pictures, ate wasabi chips and loads of other stuff. It was a really fun evening until we decided to go to a club where it was fun at first until the fight. This is actually the first fight I've ever witnessed with my own eyes. Not something I want to ever witness again ever*!~ It's just too scary. My heart couldn't stop pounding.

Happy Bithday to me!*~

2007-03-17T03:19:00.000Z

Yesterday was my 23rd Birthday and it was one of the best birthdays ever!~* I had so much fun! At midnight, my flatmates SY and PS knocked on my door and when I opened the door, PS was holding a birthday cake and SY, her camera.... And they sang 'Happy Birthday' to me.... I made a wish and blew the candle. (I hope my wish will come true). After that we went to the kitchen, took some photos and I got my presents...I got sleeping wear (really nice one) and a pink looking ant eater soft toy that says it will whistle if I press its tummy...but all it does is make a really weird noise...lol...I think the battery for that toy is almost dead so the toy sounds as if it's whining instead..haha...those two prezzies were given to me by Jin Jin...she said that the pink looking ant eater looks like me so she bought it for me...okay...if she says so...lol...The other present I got was a bodyshop white musk goodie bag which contained perfume, body shampoo, lotion, scrub and a purple bag from PS and SY. I really really like it a lot*!~ I can't believe that SY remember me telling her that I like the perfume 'White Musk' from bodyshop last time. I couldn't even remember that I liked it...but when I saw it, I remembered the name and when I sprayed it on, I remembered the smell. I love it...Oh and PS was the one who baked my birthday cheesecake for me. She's so sweet!

I woke up around 11:30am because first I got a call from my grandmother wishing me 'Happy Birthday' at 7:30am in the morning and after that call, I managed to sleep back but later my parents called me around 11:30am wishing me 'Happy Birthday', and after that I couldn't sleep anymore but to wake up. Then SY smsed me to ask if I've eaten and whether I wanted to go to KFC for lunch. So we went to KFC...It's the first time I've eaten fast food ever since I came to Bristol. I can't believe how many times I've said I wanted to try the KFC here but never did until today and I can say that I prefer Malaysia's KFC more. Later I found out from SY that it's 'Red Nose Day' today where it has something to do with charity and people buy and wear red noses (like clown noses), red ears, T-shirts and etc. We tried to find the red noses to buy, we walked all over Broadmead but sadly we couldn't find any nose. *sigh* Then feeling a bit disappointed, we came back and shortly afterwards, PS messaged me on msn asking me if I had any plans today and I said no and she said she wants to cook dinner for me. I was like 'really?' and she asked me what do I prefer to eat? Vietnamese spring roll or wanton? Then I said 'Spring roll! Spring roll!*! Then she asked me to borrow the shredder from Jin Jin so I went over to Jin Jin's flat and I talked to both Jin Jin and Chi Chi (Jin Jin's flatmate). She's a Nigerian and boy does she really know a lot of gossips in the entertainment world. She's such a nice and fun person to talk to and she's 6ft tall...Gosh!*~ she's the tallest girl I've ever met in my life. She updated me on some gossips and she cooked Nigerian food...It was so good*!~ Then Amy (Jin Jin's flatmate) came back with a bag full of games like twister, monopoly, jengga and etc.

By that time, I had to get back to my flat because I promised PS that I would help her cook dinner. I was in the kitchen when SY came in and PS asked her if she wanted to join us for dinner and she said ok..then PS went out to buy the ingredients to make the spring roll so me and SY talked in the kitchen when Julie (my flatmate) came in and she wished me 'Happy Birthday' and she said she will do crepes for me. Which is a big deal because she doesn't really cook, even when her boyfriend (Philip) ask her to do crepes for him. Then we had dinner together...PS, SY, Julie, Philip and me.... after that crepes for desert. After dinner Julie said she wants to sing 'Happy Birthday' to me and PS took out my more then half eaten cheesecake to put a candle on it. Haha..it was quite funny...then Julie sang 'Happy Birthday' in French for me and later Philip sang in Portuguese language...and the best part is SY recorded the whole thing....This is the most memorable birthday ever!~*

Jin Jin then asked me to go over to her flat and when I did, I got an 'Eeyore Birthday Cake' from them. They were so sweet to get me a birthday cake*!~ The cake is so cute btw...They sang 'Happy Birthday' to me and later we played a drinking game where someone will say 'I have not done ......before' and whoever who has done it before would have to drink. All I can say now is that I know a lot of secrets*!~ haha...And things got a bit crazy after a few of them got high....then we started dancing a bit and then played twister awhile before continuing to dance. Boy are people living in flat 53 party animals*!~ I never knew this wild side of theirs...But it was fun*!~ It's was GREAT GREAT DAY for me*!~ :)

Why are all great guys gay?

2007-03-12T23:01:00.001Z

I seriously have no idea why I'm always attracted to gays. Ever since in high school, I remembered I used to like Stephen Gately from the band ‘Boyzone’ a lot! He was my favourite member from Boyzone and when he announced on MTV that he was gay, I was devastated but I still like him (like and not liked, because I still do like him) the same nevertheless. But the bizarre thing was that at that time, I liked this member called Eloy from the band ‘Caught in the Act’ who I later found out was actually gay as well as Stephen Gately's partner/lover. How weird is that? Who knew that the two guys I like/liked were gays and better yet partners/lovers! It's too weird! Stephen Gately is no longer with Eloy anymore though, they split up in 2001 and he's now married to Andrew Cowles, an Internet businessman.

Lets not forget Dave from the band 'Moffatts', there was a time where everyone was crazy over them...specially is Asia and I was one of them and my favourite member was Dave whom I found out is gay. Yup! And the most recent person that I like who is gay is Dan Gillespie Sells, the lead singer from the band 'The Feeling'. Yeah!~* I give up!~ Why are all great guys gay? This goes to show that I am attracted to gay guys and that scares me because I don't want to fall in love with a gay or get married with a closet gay. That's the worst! Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against gays, I like and respect them, I just don't want to fall in love with them knowing that they will never really be mine.

If I ever meet a guy whom I think is perfect, he's probably gay because for one, if he's perfect, he's too good to be true so he's probably gay because from my experience, all great guys are either gay or taken. I guess only in my dreams will my perfect guy be straight. So I'll start dreaming now and give up on my hunt for the moment in finding the perfect guy. Gnites!

Quick to judge

2007-03-06T18:50:00.000Z

Today SY went to Bower Ashton to use the facilities there for her project. While she was there, she dropped in to see Mian (the university representative who recruited us) and she told her that Jin Jin is progressing really fast in her project and 'The people from The One Academy' (the college I used to go to) aren't because we don't go to see her. What does she mean by that? Isn't it a good thing that we don't need to see her to get her advice or help? It shows that we are doing all right with our project and that we don't need her. To say this, I think she feels that the students at 'The One Academy' (TOA) are proud. I think it's wrong of her to judge students from 'TOA' because she doesn't like the college, it doesn't mean that all the students from there are proud. She just split us up in groups of colleges, 'New Era' (the one Jin Jin used to study at and 'TOA' and summed us up by indirectly saying that we are proud.

I know for a fact that she doesn't like 'TOA' because when she interviewed me before I got accepted to study at UWE, she said that she doesn't really like 'TOA'. I guess the reason why she wants to recruit students from there is just for business sake. Obviously she has already made up her mind about students from there to say such things about us. I just think it's unfair of her to say that about all the students from 'TOA'. I just never thought she would feel that way about all the students from 'TOA' that’s all. But the weird thing is, I still like her, just kind of sad she said that about us.

21 and motivated!

2007-02-27T17:24:00.000Z

Last Saturday I talked to Amy (a girl in charge of the bridesmaids shop) and found out that she is going to be 21 years old this week. I was stunned when she said that because she is so matured for her age. She's like the manager of the bridesmaid’s shop where I work part time every Saturday and I can say that she really knows her job very well. She just doesn't seem like her age. Then she told Laura (a girl working part time as well) and me that she knew that she wasn't going to college or university after high school so she wanted to make something out of herself. Well she certainly has...she's really great at her job and if anyone has seen her work before will agree with me. So anyways, she said that she has been working in this line (bridal) since she was 15 years old and she has been working since she was 12 years old. That is a really young age to start working. I only started working at 22 years old, and that was my first job I got after college. I guess I'm just pampered. And also I didn't really have the time to work even part time because after high school, my mom signed me up at 'Inti college' to take HSC (an Australian A-levels) which started right after I finished high school and that was a year program and after that I went to 'The One Academy' immediately after Inti college and that was for 3 years and after that I worked for awhile before continuing my studies at UWE. I guess I'm just lucky to get the opportunity to further my studies after high school.

When I told my mom about Amy, my mom thought I was looking down on her...I don't know why she thought so...I wasn't looking down at her...I was looking up to her actually. I wish I could be more like her...motivated and know what I want out of life. She has even bought her own house...She's 21 and has her own house!~ How great is that? She definitely has a strong character and I really admire people who are like her because I know I'm not. I'm just too carefree sometimes. Besides that, I'm not the kind of person who looks down on people. Looks like my mom doesn't really know me that well either to think of me that way...Hmm....oh well...

After hearing what she has accomplished, I can't help but compare myself with her and wonder what have I actually accomplished? Not much! come to think of it. I don't own my own house, or even my own car, my parents are still supporting me and I hope to be someone successful next time. I want to be a designer who influence or inspire other designers in their work. That's what I want to accomplish in this life. I should try setting BIG goals for myself and not be so laidback like I am now. I need to change and not take things one day at a time...

Music + Lyrics

2007-02-23T00:59:00.000Z

After watching Music + Lyrics, starring Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore, the song sung by Hugh Grant at the begining of the movie is so addictive! It keeps playing over and over again in my head. I love it soOoOo....MUCH!~* Not to mention Hugh Grant (one of my fav. actors) is still HOT even at his age. After watching the movie, I came back to search for the music video on youtube but couldn't find it and after a few weeks later...I searched for it again and alas...it was there and well...here it is...

'Pop Goes My Heart' by Hugh Grant
--------------------------------------------

I never thought that I could be so satisfied
Every time that I look in your angel eyes
A shock inside me that words just can't describe
And there's no explaining
Something in the way you move I can't deny
Every word from your lips is a lullaby
A twist of fate makes life worthwhile
You are gold and silver.

I said I wasn't gonna lose my head
But then PoP! goes my heart
I wasn't gonna fall in love again
But then PoP! Goes my heart
And I just can't let you go
I can't lose this feeling

These precious moments, we have so few,
Let's go far away where there's nothing to do but play
You’ve shown to me that my destiny’s with you,
And there's no explaining
Let's fly so high- will you come with me tonight?
In your dress, I confess you’re the source of light.
The way you shine under starry skies
You are gold and silver.

I said I wasn't gonna lose my head
But then PoP! goes my heart.
I wasn't gonna fall in love again
But then PoP! Goes my heart.
And I just can't let you go,
I can't lose this feeling.

A twist of fate makes life worthwhile
You are gold and silver.

I said I wasn't gonna lose my head
But then PoP! goes my heart.
I wasn't gonna fall in love again
But then PoP! Goes my heart.

I said I wasn't gonna lose my head
But then PoP! goes my heart.
I wasn't gonna fall in love again
But then PoP! Goes my heart.
And I just can't let you go.

Childish!

2007-02-18T18:35:00.000Z

I really don't understand my flatmate Stephanie. Gosh! She is weird and childish! We have all been planning on having Chinese New Year dinner together since January and even when PS asked her whether she was going to join us and she went 'Yeah', and then we told her that we'll be having pot luck where we all do one dish each and her face changed. I mean what's the problem? She can't expect us to do everything right? We're all studying as well, we're busy (infect, busier then her since we're in our final year and she's only in her second) and the cost as well to buy the things to cook. AArrgh!*~ she should be an accountant and not a graphic designer if she wants to be so calculating. It's so annoying!!! Then at the last minute yesterday she told SY (my other flatmate) that she wouldn’t be joining us because she doesn't want to eat with strangers. I was like 'What the HELL man!' 'Strangers?' 'Come again?' Is that how she sees us? The only stranger yesterday was Maylis (my another flatmate) friend and the reason why she wanted to come was because she wanted to know how to do 'spring roll'. I know we're not her family and all but we've been living for 5+ months already and is she indirectly trying to tell us something? Anyways, her sister cooked dinner yesterday and they all ate in her room. Talk about unsociable. I mean so what if she eats with strangers? One of the reasons why people study abroad is to meet new people and learn new things. I don't think she knows why she's studying abroad. She's always isolating herself in her room and even when she goes out with us (rarely) she walks really fast alone, as if we don't know each other. I don't understand her. If she wants to keep to herself, and studying here makes her unhappy and miss home so much, she should just go back.

And today her sister left to go back to London, because that's where her sister studies and she's here all alone again and when she was in the kitchen, she kept asking PS who is coming for dinner and I had it up to my neck with her that I just said 'Strangers, a lot of strangers coming today'. I didn't say it in an angry tone but she got what I meant. And later she scolded SY for telling me about why she didn't want to join us yesterday for dinner and I think SY was annoyed with me because she was the only flatmate who knew about this, but I'm not sorry! Why should I? We've been planning this dinner for weeks okay! WEEKS!!! SY and me even spent 3 days baking Chinese New Year (CNY) cookies and planning what to cook on CNY and she knew about that and at the last minute she cancelled on us, how do you think I feel? And it's a lame excuse. If you don't want to cook anything, just say so! Talk about calculating! And I can't forget her face when she saw the baking things SY and me bought to bake the cookies. She looked upset because she thought that we were going to split the cost of the baking things with her and we didn't inform her whether she wanted to share with us but we just bought it. I mean hello? Did we say we wanted to split the cost? We're not that calculating okay. Not me anyways! And after telling her that we were not going to split the cost with her because it was our idea and we wanted to bake so we're only splitting the cost between the two of us and not with her. After that she looked relieved.

So anyways, I told PS to invite her again for dinner tonight since she's all alone and I don't want to leave her out because everyone else is invited. I just didn't want to be the one to invite her because I'm annoyed with her. I mean who wouldn't be? We have to invite her so many times to come for dinner before she agrees. Grrr...So anyways, she'll be coming for dinner today. Talk about logic. We have more strangers today then yesterday and she's joining us.

Happy Pig Year!~*

2007-02-18T02:25:00.000Z

Happy Chinese New Year!!! It's Pig year this year and my flatmate and me had been busy baking cookies in the kitchen. We decided to do pig cookies to represent this year. I think they are really cute and we'll be handing them out to our other flatmates tomorrow after dinner. It's a surprise...I hope they like it. :)

Besides baking Chinese New Year Cookies, my flatmates and me went clubbing today to a new place called 'Vibes' and boy were we in for a surprise. It was a gay club. The reason why we wanted to go to that club was because there were so many people queuing up to enter the club so we thought it must be good so we queued up as well. We had to pay GBP 3 (student price) to get into the club. The minute we stepped in, we knew that it was a gay club for some reason. I guess it's because of the clothes they wear and how they hold themselves. I find them cute actually...specially the bartender...he was wearing only hot pants with a bow tie on his neck and a devil's horn hair band. He's not hot or anything, I just find his costume cute. lol...Other then that, I saw so many guys making out...It's weird to see it with my own eyes. It's like I'm in a movie or something...but yeah, it was a real great experience...because I've never been to a gay club before and now I have...Anyways, Happy Chinese New Year!~*

Taking a risk

2007-02-16T23:00:00.000Z

Yesterday was my tutorial group with my tutor Carol. Yes, I got Carol again as my tutor. *sigh* I don't know if it's a good or bad thing. Part of me is glad that I got her as my tutor because she knows me better then the other tutors, she knows what I'm doing for my self-directed study project and she's a film maker so she can give me some pointers on how to document my film I'm planning to do for this project. And the bad is that she doesn't tell you what's really on her mind, so you'll think that everything is fine and the direction you're going is correct but infect it isn't. Moreover I feel really weird whenever I'm around her. I don't know why...

Anyways, what I'm planning on doing for my final project is really scary and exciting at the same time because I've never held a camcorder before in my life and to do something out of my comfort zone is just scary. My work is mostly print, and to do a documentary as my final project, something I know nothing about is either stupid, brave or crazy, because the marks I get for this project determines on what I will get for my degree. So you can see why I'm a bit worried. But you know, I feel that now is the time for me to explore and learn new things. I mean I'm still young and I don't want to be restricted to only print base stuff. It's a risk I'm planning to take and well, all I can hope for is the best. I'm planning on seeing other tutors as well to get some feedback from them so then I'll know that I'm on the right track. I really don't want to screw this up like my other two projects. I can't leave things to the last minute anymore. That is my new years resolution and I'm sticking to it!

Valentine...

2007-02-14T21:17:00.000Z

I had valentine's dinner today with Jin Jin. She was my date for today...yeah...lol...we're just 2 good friends hanging out on valentines day. I did baked salmon and veggies, potato salad and strawberry pudding for dessert. It was fun...and she gave me a book called 'Olivia' by Ian Falconer. I really like the illustrations a lot!! The pig is so cute*!~ I'm so happy today... :)

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

2007-02-14T06:25:00.000Z

Busy day at the bridesmaids shop...

2007-02-11T00:43:00.000Z

Today was a very, very busy day for me. As usual my weekend job started at 10am today and it was the first time I had to actually deal with the customers. I usually just arrange and put the dresses away once they are worn. I don't directly deal with the customers. So when today Susan (the boss) asked me to deal with some customers alone, I was a bit scared because I don't know much about what's in style, what's not, how many colours they have, what styles they have and what material, and etc. They have so many dresses it's just hard to keep track. Not to mention that it's a 3-storey shop full of dresses from kids to adults and they even sell prom dresses. So you can imagine how many dresses they have. LOADS!

They actually have 2 shops. One is for bridesmaids and flower girls and the other is a bridal shop, which is across the street. I usually work at the bridesmaids shop and Jin Jin works at the bridal shop. So anyways, at the bridesmaids shop, people come in groups because there are usually a few bridesmaids and only one bride so today I dealt with 7 groups. It was a nightmare!*~ Gosh!*~ I feel so unprepared. I mean they asked me questions where I don't know or am not too sure about the answers and that made me look like I was unprofessional. They asked questions like does this come in the colour eggplant or what fabric is this? I mean I know a few fabrics but not all...I felt so stupid. :( But looking on the brightside, I did manage to learn some new stuff and I had some fun talking to the customers. Maybe I can improve my communication skills by doing this. YUp!~

I've actually learned something while working at the bridesmaids shop. I've always wondered what’s the difference between US and UK sizes. Sometimes the books I read, the woman sizes are usually USA 6 or 8. And I'm like wow...US people are really small. I mean size 6? But the truth is, you just add 2 sizes to that and the woman is actually a UK 8, which is quite a common size I might say, and USA 8 is a UK10. So you see, US people are bluffing themselves by subtracting 2 from the actual size to make them feel better because they seem smaller. lol...it's funny....

'Never be lonely' by The Feeling

2007-02-06T23:37:00.000Z

I'm so happy that I finally managed to find out who sang the song that I like on the radio. I hear it all the time but I didn't who sang it…I could only remember the part where the singer sings people in love...so I tried searching for that title and came up with an old band called 10cc which is obviously not them because I know for sure that they are a not so old band and lyrics from 10cc was totally different. It took me a few days to actually find the name of the band and the song title. But finally I found it and the song title is 'Never be Lonely' and not 'People in Love' like I thought it was at first. I checked the other songs from this band as well and I can say that they are not bad. But the song 'Never be Lonely' is my favorite song at the moment. Can't seem to get it out of my head. It's so cheery, cute and catchy! I just LUV it!!! Call me crazy but I watched it like 20 times straight on youtube. Lol...it is an addictive song...just so happy I found it. :)

'Never Be Lonely' by The Feeling
---------------------------------------

People in love get fast and foolish
People in love get everything wrong
People in love get scared and stupid
People in love get everything wrong

At least they're not lonely
At least they're not lonely
They'll never be lonely

B-b-b-baby
I think I'm going c-c-c-crazy
Why should I be sane without you (hahh)

They tell me to fight it
They can bloody well just try it
I'll never be the same without you (hahh)

People in love get special treatment
People in love get everything wrong
People in love their hearts get eaten
People in love get everything wrong

At least they're not lonely
At least they're not lonely
They'll never be lonely

B-b-b-baby
I think I'm going c-c-c-crazy
And why should I be sane without you (hahh)
They tell me to fight it
But they can bloody well just try it
Ill never be the same with out you (hahh) x2

Instrumental
Never be lonely x21
Never be lonely

Bird flu

2007-02-06T00:43:00.000Z

I heard from my flatmate that the bird flu is now here in the UK. At first, I thought my flatmate was just pulling my leg because she likes to do that to me sometimes...I'm just really easy to bluff I guess...some people call me 'Naive' which is not good..anyways, I went online to read the news and sadly, I found the article. Looks like it's true. :(*sigh* why bird flu?? Why??? WHY??? Why couldn't it be mad cow disease or something else? Why bird? Chicken is the only meat I like among the rest and now it looks like I wont be able to eat much chicken with the bird flu going around. *double sigh* Even when I was in Malaysia, we had bird flu as well...for quite sometime....and now here. That’s just great! Looks like there is no escaping from it... Maybe it's a sign telling me to not eat so much chicken...lol...Looks like I'm going to have to save the rest of the frozen chicken I have in my freezer for special occasions only...I know...I know…I sound like a mad person…but what I can I say? I love chicken a lot! :(

I LOVE London !*

2007-01-31T23:10:00.000Z

I just got back from my London trip today. It was a really fun and eventful trip. I learned quite a lot from this trip actually...yup...I now know how to use the underground tube station. At first, I thought that it was complicated and all, but then after this trip, I found that it was in fact really easy. And it's amazing how easy and convenient the tube station is. I like the fact where everyone stands on the right of the escalator and not block the people who are in a hurry. It's so orderly that it's cool and funny at the same time.

I stayed at the 'Malaysian Hall’ that was located at Bayswater and I found out that it's cheaper to get your souvenirs there then any other places. Anyways, I was actually quite impressed by 'Malaysian Hall'. The place was clean, the rooms were nicer and cheaper then the backpackers place I stayed in the last time I was in London with my sister and we had our own bathroom and it's only 2 people to a room. It was really great and I will definitely stay there again in the future. No doubt about that!

London really has a lot of things to do. I didn't manage to do everything I wanted to because I was only there for 3 days and 2 nights and on the first day, Jin Jin and me went to visit the British Museum. It's so BIG and we actually took the whole day exploring it. I saw some mummies that I thought were quite interesting. I think it's real if I'm not mistaken. Other then that, I saw some old English design on plates, jewellery, guns and etc that I thought was really nice and the details on it are indescribable. You have to see it for yourself. They are so beautiful that you just can't take your eyes off it. It's my favorite section of all.

The next day we met up with SY at Chinatown. We went to my favorite shop 'Loon Tao Chinese Restaurant' to have our lunch. The chicken rice there is so good that every time I'm in London, I'll make it a point to eat there at least once. I just Love that restaurant! After lunch we went to 'Tate Modern' to see the exhibition. I actually wanted to go there the last time my sister was here but she looked bored when we entered 'Tate Modern' so I didn't manage to see any exhibition except for the installation of the slides by 'Carsten Höller'. There are a few levels to the slide. Level 2, 3 and 4. The slides are free to go on but you will have to get a ticket first before you get to ride on one. I was so happy when I saw that the installation of 'Carsten Höller' was still on. It's really beautiful! I wanted to ride on level 4 slide but I had to wait for almost an hour before I could get on it. They have different time slots for the slides so I went on the level 3 slide because the lady at the counter said that I could sit on that slide now. So I went on it and it was fuN!~* :) The slide was the last thing my friends and I did before leaving 'Tate Modern'.

After that, we had our dinner at a Japanese restaurant before watching the musical 'Les Misérables' at the Queen's Theatre. The musical was amazing! the singers were great and the performance was spectacular although the storyline wasn't anything special. But the funny thing was, when I saw the cast playing 'Marius', I thought he looked like the guy from the pop band 'S club 7'. I'm not a big fan of 'S club 7' or anything, but I've seen some music videos and watched the TV episodes of 'S club 7' when I was bored and had nothing better to do so I was 90% sure it was him. So when they had a break before continuing on to Act 2, I took out the small book I bought which had all the cast, I went to search for 'Marius' and guess what? It was him all right. I never thought that I could recognize anyone famous from magazines, newspapers or on TV, but I guess I can. I always though that if I were to pass 'Brad Pitt' on the streets, would I recognize him? I always thought I wouldn’t be able to do so but I guess I underestimated myself. lol..oh well...But he's voice is great though. I never knew that he could actually sing because he doesn't really sing in 'S club 7' and I frankly don't think any of the members of 'S club 7' could sing at all. Their voices are just a-ok. Just like Britney Spears, she can't sing! Or Jessica Simpson. She sucks! The only reason why they are famous is because of their looks. That's all...

a short poem...

2007-01-24T00:44:00.000Z

I'm not suppose to love you,
I'm not suppose to care,
I'm not suppose to live my life wishing you were there.
I'm not suppose to wonder where you are or what you do;
I'm sorry I can't help myself, I fell in love with you.

Parents...sigh

2007-01-15T01:56:00.000Z

Why are parents so narrow minded? I don't understand mine at all. My mom is still harping over the fact that I quit my job, my first job at that time when I was working at a company called 'Unique Zone Sdn. Bhd.' last year. But seriously, why do I want to keep a job that I'm not suited for? Or don't even like? I was planning on looking for a new job after quitting this one but I didn't manage, as I didn't find any that I liked and the ones I liked were really far. I don't want to get a job for the sake of getting one and after quitting that job, I had 5 months before I continue my studies in the UK, so I was jobless but I did use it to do loads of research online. I did a lot of research and I got some really great websites and I learnt a lot during the 5 months. But my mom just thinks that I wasted my time doing nothing like a lazy bum I guess...I keep telling her that I learnt a lot during that time and well, I wasn't exactly that free either, sure I had time to hang out with my best friends and all, but they were the ones who were there for me, motivating me when I was so down during the years I studied at 'The One Academy' and I know it's stupid but they did help me and I became more like me and not this sad person I used to be. So it was sort of like rehabilitation for me. But I guess my mom just doesn't know and she's just thinking logically...she just doesn't understand...and she keeps thinking that other people are better or more talented then me. I think she doesn't even think that I'm talented at all. Which is quite sad because she has never said that to me before....I hate proving myself to people....I know that I'm good at what I do...sure I might not be the most talented graphic designer out there but I sure am talented as well!

I'm just so sick of her telling me that it's okay to quit my first job in the first place and that she will support my decision and all but then turns her back on me when I did finally quit my job. And the worst part of all is that she is still harping about the fact that I did nothing for the 5 months I was not working. I already explained to her so many times that I did not waste my time and it doesn't mean that what she doesn't see with her eyes means that I've done nothing. Moreover, it's been like a year so why keep harping on it? I'm now studying why bring that up again? All I can say is that she doesn't really mean what she says to me at all. Which is what makes me sad the most! And she doesn't listen to a word I say because I have to explain to her so many times over and over again that I'm so tired of explaining it to her again. So if she brings it up again, I'm just going to agree with her by telling her that I'm a lazy bum and that she has a lazy good for nothing daughter. Why bother arguing or telling her anything if she is never ever going to listen to a word I have to say? As long as I know what I did with my time, I'm fine with it. *sigh*

Happy Shopping*!~

2007-01-11T02:13:00.000Z

I have been happily shopping for these 3 days in a row...All I can say now is that I'm sOoooOo....BROKE!*~ The sales here are really great compared to Malaysia's sale! It's even better then it was on boxing day! can you imagine that? It's called the 'blue cross' sale where the things are discounted even more from the sales on boxing day! I went to debenhams on tuesday..and bought a few corsets, a dress and some really cheap accessories...then I went again today...and I got some stuff again..and not to mention on monday..I walked around broadmead and got a dress for my sister's wedding and some cheap cd's (snow patrol + damian rice) It's been three days now..so you can see why I'm broke..lol...But the sales here are insanely cheap. MY goD*~ I mean really really cheap*!~ I can't wait to work this Saturday to get a top I saw which I liked from debenhams...I hope it's still there though....Must work to get money to shop..hehe..then I can start saving for my trip to London with my friends to visit the museums and art galleries and try to find banksy's work as well..It will be like a treasure hunt...hehe...so cooL!*~ and happy these few days...I guess it's because I feel so free now after handing up my website and my dissertation...which I thought we had to hand up the actual dissertation but all we had to hand up was the actual draft! I'm so BLUR!!!! My dissertation isn't due until the 8th of February 2007 and I thought that it was due on 8th January 2006. Stupid rite? But if I look at things on the bringht side, I have finished my dissertation and well...I now need the feedback from my tutor and then I can improve it and I'm done. Yay*!~ this is one time I finished something earlier than doing it at the last minute. lol......

Dissertation out of the way*!~

2007-01-04T15:37:00.000Z

Finally finally finally!*~ I just finished my dissertation*!~ Wheee........I'm quite relieved now....I can't believe that I wrote it in 3 days!!! All from scratch...research, reading books, examples...everything*!~ I was stuck at first but I pulled through! Now all I have to worry about is whether I'll get good grades for it...Hmm....But at least now I can concentrate on my fridge website from scratch as well....Arrgh*!~ both my dissertation and fridge website is due on the same day which is this coming Monday! I need to work work work....Hope I'll be able to finish my website...at least that's all I need to concentrate on now since my dissertation is out of the way......I would have finished or taken my time to do my dissertation and fridge website because I had 3 weeks break but.....I just couldn't because my sister was here for the first two weeks and well....I just couldn't get any work done when she was here....I brought her around Bristol....to Bath...London...we went out every single day and by the time we got back...I'm just too tired to sit in front of my computer to do my work....It's my fault really... I thought I could do my work when she was here...but boy was I wrong...I just couldn't stop talking to her and etc....That's what happens when you don't see someone you love a long time...And anyways, I'm always doing things at the last minute.....It's a bad habit and well…that can be listed down on my new years resolution for 2007. But you know, all I can say is that I would do it all over again without a single thought even if it means that I have to work really hard for the last week to complete my assignments...Miss miss miss her so much*!~

Missing my sister. . .

2006-12-31T18:36:00.000Z

Yup, two weeks is over and it passed by like a blur. My sister is now on the plane going back to Malaysia. She'll be spending her New Year on the plane. It's kinda sad that she didn't stay a day longer to spend New Year with me. But she has to work and well, she has to rest at least a day before going back to work because of jet lag and all. I miss her already. :( I sent her to the airport and waited until she went in. I really had a great time having her here...she kept me company during the Christmas holidays, she made me laugh and gave me some advises to improve myself because frankly, I think I'm too soft. I need to be more aggressive!* She gave me some advice and we explored Bristol and London together. It was really fun!~* And now she's gone back and well...I'm all alone again. *sigh* I cried actually, at the airport when she was about to leave. A few times. But I controlled my tears so I didn't really cry much. But if I were to let myself go, I would have cried enough tears to fill a pond or even a river. I miss her, and my parents and cats so much that words can't describe. They mean the world to me and I'm thankful and lucky to have them as my family. I have to thank my mom the most because she was the one who paid for the airfare for my sis to visit me. It's a really expensive gift for both my sis and me. She even paid for the accommodation in London for the both of us. That came up to quite a lot actually, If you convert it to Malaysian Ringgit. Our money is small and the money here is BIG. It sounds affordable but it's really expensive once you convert it.

I enjoyed my time in London with my sis the most!*~ It was so fun to explore somewhere new together and going to see things that I've never seen before. We went to Madame Tussaud's (a wax museum), Tower of London to see the crown jewels, Big Ben, Buckingham palace to see the changing of the guards, London Eye and we walked through Diana's Memorial park. Not to mention we met up with my 'perfect guy' and his friend. I like him even more now. He's such a nice person and my sis and me really had a great time hanging out with them. We went to a few pubs to drink and talk and got to know each other more. But I guess we know him more now since he loves to talk. lol..But I don't mind because I like listening to stories and he sure does have a lot to tell! it was fun!~* I guess he was entertaining. Yup!~ And he loves to drink and smoke. Drinking is all right if you know your limits but smoking is a bad...and I mean bad habit, and not to mention it's not good for your health. I'm not saying that drinking is good for health or anything, but alcohol is good sometimes because it makes you feel happy. I like drinking wine now. One glass is enough for me because it makes me happy and I like that feeling. I don't know why but vodka has no effect on me at all. Only wine. It's weird. So anyways, yeah...I love my London trip with my sister. Meeting up with the perfect guy made the London trip even better. You know, I think one of the reasons why I like him is because he reminds me a bit of my sister. His advice to me and sometimes the way he talks. He says that I'm too nice! I was like what?? Too nice? No one can be too nice!~* I told him that, and he said that I am. Well, he's not the only person who told me that before, people have said that I'm nice, but never 'Too Nice'. He says maybe I care too much about what others think about me. And I was like well...yeah and no at the same time. I mean yea I want people to like me, but I mean who wouldn't? But I wont go to the extreme to be extremely nice just to let people like me. I know that not everyone is this world will like me and they will have to accept me for who I am. I just don't want to cause trouble or get enemies, that's all. I don't know if it's a good thing that he thinks that I'm too nice*!~ *sigh* I actually miss talking to him too. He's a really fun person to hang out with. Maybe it's because I don't have much friends here and he's one of the BEST people I've met here so far. I need to socialize more...but I'm just so busy with assignments and all...but I must make it a point! I want to make more friends and enjoy my time here in Bristol! I'm lucky to have gotten the chance to study here in the UK and I must make the most of it!~ Yeah!*~ I'm going to be a social butterfly. That's my new years resolution!~ make more friends by socializing more, be more confident when I do presentations, not be too nice and hopefully lose some weight. Yeah...I hope I keep them all...Faye is coming to find me later at 8:30pm with her friend to go out. At least I have a someone to spend my New Years Eve night with.

Happy happy HaPPy!~*

2006-12-16T21:43:00.000Z

I'm soOoOoo....happy today....my sister is finally here...yup*!~ I took the 9:30am bus from the bus station and it took me about half an hour to get to the airport. Bristol's airport is so small! It's such a tiny, tiny airport. I didn't expect it to be so small!~* but oh well...at least they have an airport...but what doesn't make sense to me is the bus fare. It costs GBP 4.50 one way and GBP 4.50 two ways. Does that make sense? It doesn't to me. I think the way people think about things here is sometimes illogical. It really makes no sense. Imagine paying the same price for a one-way ticket and a return ticket as well...hmm...

So anyways...on my way back to the city center...I got a phone call from the bridal shop and they asked me whether I was coming in to work today. Then I told her that no one confirmed us so we didn't come in. Who is so thick face as to show up at the shop without even being confirmed? Someone was supposed to call us to tell us whether we got the job or not. We as in Jin Jin and me. So when no one called, I thought they didn't want or need our help. But after telling her that...she said that there was a miscommunication on their part...but YAY!*~ I'm so happy anyways....that means we got the joB!*~ Wheee........So happy..so happy!~* Jin Jin worked at the bridesmaids shop with me today....and next week, we are suppose to work at the bridal shop across the street but I told them that I can't work next week and they said that it's fine. I hope so...I really want this job. It's nice to be surrounded by pretty dresses all the time. And as for my poor sister...on her first day in Bristol...she had to hang out in my room the whole day alone. I feel bad...but I'll treat her to lunch or dinner tomorrow...yup...I was actually quite hesitant to work today because she was here and I wanted to show her around...but she asked me to work so..I did and now I have some money to go shopping with during the boxing day sale*!~ WoohoO!~* I just LOVE my sister!*~ I wish she could be here with me all the time...I'm so happy she liked the birthday present I bought for her...and the goodie bag as well...with all the things I bought and collected for her ever since I got here and well...she got quite a shock when I handed it to her because there were quite a lot of different things in the goodie bag. I'm glad she liked it! :)

My sister is coming!!!

2006-12-15T04:43:00.000Z

Yay! I'm so happy that my sister is coming this Saturday. She'll be arriving at 10:10am. I'm going to get her from the airport!!! So Happy!*~ At least there will be a sane person here at my flat. Well..her, Jin Jin and my other two french flatmates. The rest are just weird and fake!*~ Fake!~* Fake !*~ Fake!~ all three of them. But who cares anymore...as long as I'm not like one of them, I'm fine. Maybe that's why we don't click...Hmm...yeah..they are all devious and two headed. I'm more of a straight forward kind of person. Just like my sister and my mom and all my friends. *gasp* Gosh!*~ I just realised that!..Hmm..this proves it I guess...And also I guess one of the reasons why I'm not so close with them as well is because I don't want to mix so much with them. I don't think they are really nice people or friends...

Anyways, on a happier note, my sister is coming and she'll be here for 2 whole weeks. I'll be bringing her around Bristol and then Bath and to London. Yup!*~ so happy!~*Can't wait to show her around!~ I'm sure she'll love Bath. It's such a beautiful place. I know my way around Bath a bit because I've been there once and well...my sense of direction isn't that bad...and Bristol, well...I know my way around quite a lot...duh..I've been here for like...4 months already...so obviously I'll know my way around Bristol..and as for London, I've been there once on a day trip with BISC..and another time to see Alan Fletcher's exhibition..So I hope I'll know my way around...I'll just follow the map..Yeah..

I guess one of the other reasons why I can't wait for her to get here is also because she will be bringing me my birthday present in advance from my parents!~* It's a camcorder!*~ yeah...It's what I want and need for my next assignment. I'll be doing a documentary about superstitions for my next assignment for next semester for my self-directed study. I can't wait to test it out and do something creative with it...I'm so addicted to youtube now because I don't have a TV here and well...I'm a TV addict and this is the longest time I've gone without watching any TV. So youtube is the only place I find interesting and it entertains me. I can find basically anything from there. So anyways, I'm planning on posting some stuff up as well...yup!~* But that's later.

Weird flatmates.

2006-12-14T19:00:00.000Z

I seriously don't know what is wrong with my flatmates. They are all weird!*~ Like today, PS just knocked my room door and asked me to shift the stuff in the freezer because she can't find space to put her ice-cream. I was like what the hell? Why do I have to shift the stuff in the freezer for her to fit her ice-cream? Is that my duty? She didn't even say please. It sounded like an order and she sounded annoyed as well when she asked me. I wouldn't mind if she asked me nicely, but the fact that she didn't ask me whether I could help her to find space but instead ordered me, I wasn't happy of course! At first I thought that I had a lot of stuff in the freezer but when I went to shift the stuff to make space for her precious ice-cream, I found that I'm not really using much of the freezer. Just one third of my share. Does she think that most of the stuff in the freezer is mine? Is that why she asked me to find space for her ice-cream? I mean hello? can't she just move the things in the freezer by herself? I always do that when I want to find space for my stuff. So why can't she? So anyways, It was really simple actually, I just shifted two things and I could fit her ice-cream in. It was that simple! So why does she need my help? And then I suggested to my flatmates about buying a Christmas present for the UWE's shuttle bus driver and she said that the person we should buy for is Mary because she help us the most. I was thinking of buying a present for her too but I didn't tell her that....Then when she kept saying that..I was like okay..then don't need to buy lo...I just thought we could buy something small to cheer him up. After all his job is really boring. He has to drive the bus from Mondays to Fridays from the city center to Bower Ashton and he has to do this a few times a day using the same route..Moreover, he's a nice man and I just wanted to cheer him up by giving him something for Christmas. There's nothing wrong with that. *sigh*

And then my other flatmate Stephanie...I really don't know what's up with her. First she tells me that I'm sweet and that she feels the most comfortable when she's around me and then the next minute, she's so chummy and nice to my other flatmates PS and SY. She treats SY specially nice. When she cooks, she sometimes ask her whether she wants some...and she's always so concern over her that it makes me sick sometimes. Because for one, she's telling me something else and the next minute she's like their bestest friend? I mean what the hell??? What is wrong with these people? I haven't met such weird people before in my life. Is she trying to keep her friends close but enemies closer? I really don't know? I'm so confused!!~* And now, she doesn't even want to talk to me. Everytime I ask her a question or something, she just answers me one answer and that's it. I mean did I do something wrong? Why is she treating me this way? And when my other two flatmates PS and SY are around, she's like all cheerie and jokes with them and laughs and yeah...they talk in mandarin, which I don't understand. I feel that they are so bad and they just ignore me after that just talking in mandarin. I keep asking myself what did I do to make her or them treat me this way? I feel so sad...So I just ignore them and pretend that I'm okay but in actual fact I'm hurt and sad. Really sad. I hate myself for feeling this way. :(

Refrigerator Day!

2006-12-14T02:30:00.000Z

I was doing some research on refrigerators for my assignment and guess what I found? I found out that there is actually a Refrigerator Day! Weird right? I thought so myself. It's actually called 'National Clean Your Refrigerator Day'. Imagine that! So I guess people are suppose to clean their refrigerators on this day together?...Haha...That's so funny!!~ I can just picture it in my head...Everyone cleaning their refrigerators on the 15th November of every year together...Hmmm...The things people come up with. I really wonder whether 365 days a year is enough with all the weird days they come up with..I know that there is 'Earth Day' around April I think...And not to forget friendship day...And etc...Haha..But 'National Clean Your Refrigerator Day' takes the cake! lol...So people...Remember to clean your refrigerators on the 15th of November every year!*~!

Graffiti haven

2006-12-12T20:45:00.000Z

Today I walked with Jin Jin to Bower Ashton. We took the long way because she wanted to take pictures of vandalism for her 'self directed study' project for next semester. She was on a mission whereas I just wanted to take pictures of anything that inspire me or that I like for fun. I love taking pictures and well...I'm really addicted to taking pictures now, I'm never without my camera because I never want to miss any picture opportunity. It's more then a hobby for me now. I LOVE my camera so much!!! You should see the amount of pictures I have in 'iphoto', the last time I checked, I had about 5,000+ and that's all the pictures I've taken ever since I came to Bristol. YuP!~* I'm a photo addict now..lol. So anyways, we left our place at 10:30am. We had 2 hours to get our butts to the uni's campus to meet our dissertation tutor. We had to meet our tutor for individual tutorials where she helps and guides us with our dissertation. We all had different times. Jin Jin's time was 12:30pm and mine was 12:45pm. Thank god we arrived in time with 5 minutes to spare. Phew!*~ I actually thought we would be late because when we realised the time, it was already 10 minutes to 12pm and we were still really far from the uni's campus. But it was a really really great day today!~* We found a place with loads and loads of graffiti. Finding that place was really accidental. It's blocked by this public swimming pools building. We actually passed the building and then I saw the sign saying swimming pool on the building and I told Jin Jin about it and she wanted to go check it out. The entry price is GBP2.50 and the building itself looked really vandalised...It had a lot of graffiti on it, broken windows...Not a really nice sight I might say, but at the back of the building, there is a skatebording place full of graffiti art. It's like we found a graffiti haven. I was excited and happy to check the graffiti art out. I'm always amazed at how people can do graffiti art. I mean do they just spray on the spot or do they sketch it out first? All I know is that it's beautiful and that they are really talented. We didn't manage to take all the photos of the graffiti art because we were running out of time so we decided to come back another day. Yay!*~ I'll bring my sister there. I hope she doesn't think I'm crazy to bring her so far to see graffiti...But it's really beautiful!*~ Here are some pictures I took. Will be taking more the next time I go. Yay!*~ can't wait!!*~

I like this one. It looks like a 'Heart Stealer'

Besides graffiti, I came across this tree full of stuff on it. It had shoes, broken skateboards and empty beer cans. All tied on strings. It's interesting...haha..Something different I guess...yup...:)

Trial Day at the Bridal Shop

2006-12-10T09:14:00.000Z

Yesterday was my trial day working at a Bridal Shop. Me and Jin Jin had to meet the owner at the main bridal shop at 10am to see who gets transferred across the street which sells the bridesmaid dresses as well as some lower end wedding gowns. I took the one across the street because Jin Jin said she wanted the easier job because she can't really communicate that well in English and she's scared that she makes a lot of mistakes. So I remembered during the interview, the interviewer told us that the shop across selling the bridesmaid dresses is usually busy on Saturdays because there are few bridesmaids trying on the dresses at the same time whereas at the main bridal shop, they have only one bride trying on the gown.

So anyways, my job was basically to see that the place was neat and tidy and arrange the dresses colour coded with tags tucked inside, put the dresses away after people try them on and etc. Janet, a woman who showed me how things work at the shop was really helpful and patient. She kept asking me 'Are you all right?' so many times. She told me that the job will be more interesting once I deal with the customers and I need to memorize the dresses that they have so that I can recommend it to the customers and paper work...I'll have to learn how to do paper work...haha..not really looking forward to that though..But thats all later...I guess it will be interesting when I get to deal with cutomers instead of just putting the dresses back and arranging it all the time. I hope I get the job though. But I was thinking, I don't think I can really work that many Saturdays this month because my sister is coming to visit me. She's coming this Saturday and I'm to meet her at the Bristol Airport at 10:10am she'll be here for only 2 weeks and I want to spend as much time with her as possible. I really miss her and I want to show her around Bristol, I'm taking her to Bath and London. So basically this whole month I wont be free. She's leaving on the 30th December 06 which is on a Sunday and well, I want to spend the whole of Saturday with her before she flies off. I don't know if the shop can wait for me that long. *sigh* I guess we'll see...

Alan Fletcher

2006-12-09T00:41:00.000Z

Last Wednesday, I followed the uni to London to see 'Alan Fletcher: Fifty years of graphic work (and play)' exhibition at the design museum. It was a one day trip and we had to pay GBP 10 for the bus fare there and back and GBP 4 for the admission fee. It was an expensive trip but worth it! Alan Fletcher is a legend. He died last year at the age of 74 and this exhibition is some sort of a tribute to him. I really liked his work a lot. Of course there were some not so good designs but the majority was really good. It happens to all designers actually,everyone has their fair share of doing not so good designs. No one's perfect. His exhibition is on from 11th November till 18th February 2007. It's a really great opportunity for designers to see his exhibition. Here are some pictures I took at his exhibition.

After finished looking at Alan Fletcher's exhibition, Me, Jin Jin and my flatmates went to a sandwich shop called 'The Bespoke Sandwich company'. There, I met the friendliest, cutest, nice and talkative old man who runs the shop. He's name is George and he's from Cyprus. You know, I wasn't surprised at all when he said that he's from Cyprus. I have a really good impression of Cyprus people. So far all the people I've met from Cyprus are really nice and friendly and good looking/ pretty. Anyways, I asked him to recommend me a sandwich and he recommended 'Ham and Cheese' or any hot sandwiches. I ordered 'Chicken and Cheese' sandwich because Ham makes me sick. Jin Jin had 'Coronation Chicken' sandwich (somesort of curry). He then asked us what drinks we wanted and Jin Jin didn't want any and I asked her whether she wanted to share a 'Hot chocolate' with me because well...I'm not really a hot drink kind of person. I prefer cold drinks. She said okay and I ordered one hot chocolate. George then asked Jin Jin again whether she wanted any drink and I told him that we were sharing the hot chocolate. And he went 'No. No. You can't share! I'll make two hot chocolates.' Then Jin Jin joked with him...'Two hot chocolates for the price of one?' Haha...He then looked at us and smiled. He didn't charge us for the drink by the way. It was FOC and he even gave us a discount for the sandwiches. We only had to pay GBP 2 each instead of the original price of GBP 2.50. He even taught me and Jin Jin how to make hot chocolate, saying that we can do our own hot chocolate the next time we go to his shop. lol...The reason why he gave us a discount is because he said he doesn't want to make money from students. I'll love to visit his sandwich shop again. He's such a cute old man. He even gave me a kiss on my cheek twice. Jin Jin as well...But not my flatmates...lol...Oh well...Here is a picture I took of him and me. ;)

George and me behind the counter. He's teaching me how to make hot chocolate. :)

International food evening

2006-12-08T00:38:00.000Z

Today I went for the international evening dinner at Mary's place. Everyone had to bring a dish from their own country to share and enjoy the different types of food around the world. So me and my flatmates cooked 'nasi lemak' (rice with coconut) and is usually eaten with curry chicken, anchovies, 'sambal' (chilli), hard boiled egg and cucumber. It was a really fun evening. We all had 'mulled wine' which is known as a 'Holiday Favorite and A Classic Wine-Based Drink.' It was really nice! The drink contained red wine, some lemons, oranges and etc. Here is the recipe I found online. I'll have to try it out one day. :)

Mulled WIne Recipe
----------------------
300ml (1/2 pint) water
100g (4 oz) sugar (brown)
4 cloves
1 cinnamon stick
1 lemon, thinly sliced
1 bottle red wine (cabernet sauvignon, merlot or similar)
1 orange, sliced thinly

1. Into the pan place the water, sugar and the spices and bring to the boil. Remove from the heat and stir in the lemons. Allow it to stand for about 10 mins.
2. Add the wine and heat again without boiling (if you see white steam that’s the alcohol boiling off - not a good idea!!).
3. Strain into a heated bowl, add the orange slices and serve hot.

I also met some really nice international students as well from India, Peru, Japan, Paris and Germany. It was really fun. I really like talking to this guy called 'Julien', he's from Paris and he'll only be in Bristol for 6 weeks. He'll be leaving Bristol in a weeks time to go to Australia to study for 8 months before going back to Paris again. He's a real gentlement. No wonder people always say that French guys are romantics. Hmm..Now I understand why...But I guess what amazed me most about him is that he could remember my name. I was really surprised because I only told him once and well..Usually people can't remember my name because it's quite hard to remember. Even Chinesee people have a hard time remembering my name. So for Caucasians, it's definitely harder. It's really cool! I Love it when people can remember my name after telling them once. It's a really great feeling. It's like they take the initiative to remember your name. :)

mulled wine - fresh from the stove.

[ group shot ]

Getting drunk = stupid

2006-12-05T18:24:00.000Z

My two French flatmates had a party last Saturday in our flat. The reason for the party is to celebrate their birthdays which was in November...It was a belated birthday party. There were three birthday girls that day. Julie, Aureley and Mako. Mako lives across from my flat, but at the same floor. They invited us, of course...Since we're in the same flat and anyways, they are really nice and sweet. So when I went to ASDA (a hypermarket) I asked my flatmate which I was with at that time whether we should buy them a cake? She was okay with it until I suddenly remembered that the hypermarket sells some really cheap frozen cheesecakes or chocolate cakes which looks really nice...Well...From the pictures anyways...Then I gave a suggestion that maybe we could buy one cake for each of them since it was so cheap. Then she agreed and we bought three cakes. Two cheesecakes and one chocolate cake. The cakes were really good...Even the birthday girls liked it...So it was a really wise choice.

They invited us and some of their close friends to the party at 8:30pm where we'll have some expensive champagne and wine which they bought and brought all the way from Paris to Bristol. I had a glass of champagne before eating anything and you know what? I was so stupid to do so..I really didn't know that champagne contains any alcohol. Now isn't that stupid? I know that you can't drink alcohol on an empty stomach...If I knew..I wouldn't have drank the champagne without eating anything. And the whole night I drank champagne and wine...I thought it was okay because my flatmate PS said it was okay and that we can't mix beer and wine. Mixing champagne and wine is okay. So I drank both champagne and wine...And well..I got drunk! Yup!~ It was a stupid thing I did. I always feel that people should know their limits and not drink until they get drunk and what do you know? I got drunk! I'm so ashame of myself! I still say that people who get drunk are stupid! I can still remember my Canadian cousin who is four years older then me, telling me that it's fun and cool to get drunk and that he and his friends drink and puke and drink again. I was in high school that time when he told me that and even then, the first thing that came into my mind when he told me that was 'What an Idiot!'. Getting drunk is not cool! It's stupid!

So anyways...I made a fool of myself...I kept laughing and I really couldn't control my body at all. My mind was still alert and I know what was going on around me, but I just couldn't control my body and I hated that! So I left the party which was in the kitchen to go to my room before I did anything stupid that I'll regret. It was around 9 something to 10. And that's the time when the party actually started...10pm...And I went to sleep. :( I missed the whole party! *sigH* But I have no regrets though , because I was wasted and well...It's embarrassing and shameful to let people see you drunk. I didn't have a good nights sleep as well....I got up twice to puke. It was a horrible, horrible experience!!!

I woke up at 6:45am the next day and went to take a shower and when I went online, I saw my bestfriend on msn and I told her that I got drunk and she was the one who told me that champagne had alcohol and I can't mix wine and champagne together or any alcohol for that matter because it'll make you drunk faster and it's not only beer and wine like PS said. Then later when I saw my flatmates in the kitchen at lunch time, I told them that and they still didn't believe me. They said that they drank both wine and champagne and they were fine and not drunk. Then I told them that the reason why they didn't get drunk so fast was because they ate something before they drank the first glass of champagne. SY then quickly said...I also didn't eat anything and I didn't get drunk! I was like 'Yes you did. You ate a sandwich'. That shut her up. Grr...I really don't know what's wrong with that girl! Why does she always want to make as if she's the best in everything and that she's 'so poor thing'? It's really mind boggling. I really don't understand her. So anyways, she asked me whether I locked my room door because some guys were pushing all the room doors to see if any was open. I don't know what they plan to do but that's what she said. Then the first thing that came in my mind was what a great friend she was. I don't know whether I'm sensitive or what but I was quite sad when she asked me that. That meant she didn't even bother to check up on me knowing that I was drunk and also knowing that some guys were pushing all the doors to see if any of the room doors were unlock. This proves that no matter how long you know a person, it doesn't mean that they are your friends. Friends wont ask you the next day whether you're fine after knowing that you got drunk the day before. They know that you're fine and they don't need to ask you. I know I would have checked up on my friend to see if she was okay if I knew she was drunk and definitely when I see some guys pushing the room doors. What a friend huh? More like what friend?

Here are some pictures of me looking stupid and drunk! The pictures were taken by PS. It's a reminder for me to never ever get drunk AGAIN! EVER!!!

Long Day!

2006-11-30T22:30:00.000Z

It's been a really long and tiring week for me. Thank god tomorrow is Friday and I don't have any classes to attend tomorrow. I'm feeling really tired and yet I can't sleep. It's just one of those days where you're just worried about your assignments and deadlines and whether you can complete them on time. I have so many things which I need to hand up all almost the same time. Well..The same week. My 5,000 word dissertation, my 'cradle to grave' project and my exploration and research on my self-directed study for next semester. I just don't know which one I should focus on. When I'm doing one, I'm worried about the other and it's frustrating. I will be doing something totally different from what I usually do for my 'cradle to grave' project. It will be a web design piece where people can access the website to learn more about the product I'm doing which is the fridge. I know that web design isn't anything new, but it is to me since the only web design I ever did in my life is my portfolio website and that was done for my graduating campaign. I never really got to learn about web designing and well...It's going to be tough and challenging but I'm willing to take the challenge and learn as much as I can now because once I start working, I can't explore and experiment so much...So it's now or never...Am a bit excited to see the outcome of my project.

But on a better note other then my assignments, I went for an interview today for a part time job at a bridal shop and I got it. Me and Jin Jin gave our CV on Tuesday and they called us yesteday for an interview today. I'm so happy because I really want to work part time, but on a flexible time so that I don't interfere with my assingnments. So when I saw the sign for 'Saturday Girl' at a Bridal shop, I told Jin Jin and we both applied for the job and we got it! We are only needed on Saturdays which is just what I wanted. I'm planning to work during the weekends so that I can concentrate on my work during the week. My working time will be on Saturdays from 10am to 5pm. I can't wait to start working...Whee......

Aqualung

2006-11-26T22:34:00.000Z

I really like Aqualung. He's one of my favourite artists. He has a unique voice and his music videos are just so beautiful! It's really arty and really emotional and the colours are just so dreamy...this is how I picture my dreams to look like...This is one of his music videos...

Easier To Lie
-----------------

To bear the weight
And push into the sky
It's easier to lie
Easier to lie

And honestly
To look you in the eye
It's easier to lie
Easier to lie

To be the one
To be the only one
Someone has to give a lot
Something has to give a lot

And who am I
To give you what you need?
Well, im learning
Just learning
Learning how to live and..

To bear the weight
And push into the sky
It's easier to lie
Easier to lie

And honestly
To look you in the eye
It's easier to lie
Easier to lie

To fill the space
The space you made for me
I try to be the one you want
I try to be the way you want

And maybe I
Could be the one you need
If you'll only
Show me
Show me how to live and...

To bear the weight
And push into the sky
It's easier to lie
Easier to lie

And do what's right
When everything is wrong
It's easier to run
It's easier to...

Never have
To look you in the eye
It's easier to lie
Easier to lie

To bear the weight
And push into the sky
It's easier to lie

Are we in the same cinema?

2006-11-24T19:49:00.000Z

Bristol is having a short film festival now at watershed from Tuesday 21st November - 26th November 2006. My tutor Carol told us last week during our class that she was leaving early yesterday because she was going to catch one film at 1:45pm. The short film is called 'Single Shot', where no editing is done at all. Just one shot. It sounded really interesting because in films, even for 1 minute, film makers usually take loads and loads of shots to make it perfect and right before showing it. So to do a single, It's really tough and maybe rough... So then me and my friends decided to check out that short film as well...Boy was it a real disappointment! That's 4 quids I wont ever see again. Thank god they have concession tickets or we would have to pay 6 quids for something so disappointing and really not worth watching. I liked only 5 of the single shot films they showed. 2 of which was only average so that leaves 3 really good single shot films. The rest was just plain rubbish! There was one which I hated so much...It was filmed on a ship where the camera just goes round and round the whole ship...Nothing much to see really...And the colour was horrible and the woman talking was saying something about her being a maid on the ship and how she likes to draw the curtains last before she leaves the room because she gets to see the sea and blah blah blah...It was really horrible!*~ Even amateur film makers at youtube can do better then that. In fact...I've never seen such a horrible film before. And another one was just someone filming as he walked through the woods...That's it...No talking...Nothing. Anyone could have done that. I mean come on!~* where is the creative juice? Then when they had q&a after the film, where the artists and film makers talk to the audience, my tutors friend actually said she liked the woods one...It mesmerized her...And that all the single shot film was really really good. I was like what? Are you kidding me? Are we in the same cinema? I feel that they are so FAKE! They praise too much that I find it scary sometimes because they can't like every single thing that any artist create. I'm sure they have their own taste in what they like and don't like. They can't like everything. It's impossible! Moreover, the piece which mesmerized her was a really horrible piece! Believe me!

The reason why I call the tutors or people here fake is because they never have a single bad thing to say. Everything is good! And they praise people too much that you start to wonder whether they are really sincere in what they say. Sometimes I feel that my tutor would say 'That's Interesting'. When she just doesn't know what else to say about the work. It's weird..really...Like yesterday as well...One of my unimates was telling me and my friend that the Monday workshop we had was a total waste of time because he did not benefit anything from it. And that's exactly how me and my friend felt. So we totally agreed with him when he said that. But when my tutor asked him later what he thought about the Monday workshop we had, he went...'It was GREAT! I learnt so much from it and blah blah blah...' Me and my friend just looked at each other in shock because he just told us one minute ago that it was a total waste of time and that it was useless..The workshop was useless!~*And now he's telling the tutor that it was great? And that he learnt sooo... much from it? What is he talking about??? So when the tutor asked us about what we thought about the Monday workshop we had, we just told her the truth. I mean what is there to be scared about? It's what you think and feel. Why do you have to bluff about what you really think about something? That's just weird and twisted!

Insensitive guy

2006-11-22T02:17:00.000Z

I went clubbing today with my friend and she brought her flatmates along...I know them but not really well because we're living in different flats and it's hard to meet sometimes with uni and all. So anyways...We went to 'OCEANA' a club in Bristol today and we met other friends of my friend as well. I met this girl Bowie from China and her friend Vincent from Malaysia...Yes he's from the same country as me. But he's got to be the most insensitive guy I've ever met!!! She was about to ask me a question....And this guy interrupted her. She asked me whether I know how to speak mandarin or Cantonese earlier and I said no. And he went it's not common for Chinese in Malaysia to not know how to speak mandarin or Cantonese. So then from there...She asked me whether she could ask me a question and I said okay..And he stopped her...He talked to her in Cantonese in front of me...He wasn't even whispering...You want to ask her to join the beauty contest? Are you sure? She's not that pretty'. I was like what? I didn't ask to be asked to be in any beauty contest at all and I know that I'm not that pretty...I'm just an average looking girl but he made me feel like I was the ugliest person he's ever seen in his life! He isn't exactly BRAD PITT you know? And to say that infront of my face? It's really insulting. I said I don't speak mandarin or Cantonese...But I didn't say I don't understand it. I was quite annoyed...Well who wouldn't be if someone were to say that you're not pretty infront of you. I just met this guy and he already insulted me. What a jerk! Maybe if he was handsome like Brad Pitt or Jude Law...I'll understand...But he's not even half as good looking as them. So after he said that...I didn't really bother to talk to him anymore. But I did ask him which part of Malaysia he was from and he said Johor. Hmm...I'm not that surprised. I've met a lot of Johor people and so far they all suck! I've never met a single person from Johor who is nice. Even my flatmate SY is from Johor and she's such a fake person. Sheesh...Johor people....

Missing home

2006-11-19T20:30:00.000Z

I'm beginning to feel a bit homesick after I've been here in the UK for about 3 months now. I never thought I'll ever say this but after coming to the UK, I've realised how much I love my country. I really really love my country a lot! I miss the mamak stalls where I usually go and hang out with my friends to have a drink at any time of the day because they are usually open until quite late and some places are even open 24 hours. I also miss the usage of our Malaysian language where we mix english, malay and hokkien together...It's really fun and that's what makes us unique from other countries because we're living in a multicultural country and I really miss that. It's really different here in the UK. The Caucasians here are quick to judge Asians by thinking that our english is bad and they are sarcastic towards us when they find out that our english isn't all that bad at all. I mean what is that? Just because we're asian chinese, it doesn't necessarily mean our english is bad. Don't be so quick to judge people. That's what I hate about people who judge people by the way they look. I mean haven't they heard of the term ' Never judge a book by it's cover'? Sheesh!!!

Anyways, back to what I was talking about...hmm...Oh yeah I miss simple things like 'Gardenia' (a brand of bread in Malaysia). The bread here SUCKS!!! I've tried so many different brands and they are all the same which is sucky. I thought of e-mailing the company 'Gardenia' to ask them to export their bread here to sell to the UK people because obviously the people here have not eaten or tasted great bread before. I guess there are pros and cons in Malaysia and the UK. I'm not saying that everything in the UK is bad. Some of the things here are even cheaper then Malaysia even if you were to convert it to Malaysian Ringgit. Like for example music CD's (only when they are on offer), cereals, clothes (when there's a sale it's crazy cheap), beef and etc. But things which are really really expensive are normal A4 papers or any papers for that matter...It's really expensive, ink cartridges for printers, blank DVD's and CD's, markers, spray mount, glue, gum, instant noodles, fruits, pei pa koa, dragon ball (chinese biscuit), chicken breast and etc.

The things which I think is better here then back home so far are the cabbage and spring onion. That's it so far I think....Oh...Wait..I like the fact where we can buy sour cream sauces/ dips just at any grocery store. You can't get sour cream sauces/dips back home that easily. Yeah...

I know it's silly to compare Malaysia and UK like that but I really miss my hometown a lot and well...All I can say is that I never cooked so much in my life before. Back home I usually just go out to eat hawker food which is quite cheap and I don't really cook that often. But after coming here, I cook all of my meals. I don't eat out unless it's on special occasions. I can even count the number of times I've eaten out. lol...But it's fun to cook as well...Because I get to experiment and I never know what the outcome will be so it's quite fun. Well of course not when I'm busy and rushing for my assignments and I have to cook..That is so not fun. That's why I usually cook for 2 and I'll put half in the fridge for the next day so I don't need to cook for every meal but just reheat it. And TV dinners are sometimes really useful. Specially on days when you're really and I mean really busy when you don't have the time to cook or days when you come back from uni late and you're just dying of hunger and you don't have the strength to cook....TV dinners are the way to go...

Wedding Bells

2006-11-18T17:10:00.000Z

My sister is finally getting married... She's been with her boyfriend for like ever and she's finally getting married*!~ Wow!~ I can't believe it. I knew the day would come but I thought it'll be maybe 2008 but not next year. I'm so happy!~*! She's my only sister and I'm so excited! I wish I could help my mom with the planning and all but I can't because I'm in the UK and they are in Malaysia. It's quite sad actually...Because I always thought when the time comes, I will be there to help out in everything like helping her to pick the right wedding dress...Wedding cake and etc...But I guess life is always unexpected and you can't have everything going your way all the time so yeah...Well...At least I'll be designing her wedding card for her. And when she comes to visit me, I'll show her some of the designs I've designed and she can pick which design she prefers and I'll change or add anything she wants to her card for her. It's like her own personalised wedding card and it's free of charge! Well..For the design that is...She'll have to pay for the printing cost. But she'll save the cost of someone designing the card for her. OooooHh...I'm so happy*!~ When I heard the news that my sister said yes when her boyfriend proposed...And that they are engaged now...I was jumping all around my room...I do all sorts of crazy things when I'm happy....So I was jumping and jumping and I tripped and knocked on the wall quite loudly and my friend/flatmate/neighbor got a shock. She IMed me on yahoo messenger to ask whether I was okay. Haha..Because like I said before, the walls in my room are made of cardboard.

So anyways...My mom is giving me a table all to myself and I get to invite whoever I want to fill that table up. There will only be 10 people to a table so I got my head cracking straight away. First off, my two bestfriends of course...Without a doubt...elizabeth + her boyfriend and wei ling, then I was thinking hmm..Who else is in penang and that I'm really close to..Then I thought of ee ling, derry + girlfriend, ju phin + roy, khai ling + husband, the twins; lian yee + lian yin. That is like 12 people already...Plus me..That will be 13. Anyways..I don't think all of them can make it. The twins might not be in penang at that time. They might be in KL or Sarawak studying. I'll have to book them to see that they are free....After all I already know the dates...It's going to be on the 7th of July 07 which will be in Penang and 8th July 07 in KL. The Prnang one is the brides side and the KL one is the grooms side. It's so exciting!~ I can't wait to start designing her wedding card. But first I need to do some research on what is in and what is not. It would be easier if I had my graphic books with me here but they're all either in Penang or KL. *sigh* I guess I have to deal with it.

I have to now start looking for dresses to buy for the wedding as well as....Accessories and all...Oh..It's so exciting*!~ I bet my mom is excited as well....well...At least I'll be able to go back to my hometown even if it's for awhile. I miss Penang so MUCH!~* and my beautiful cats!~ Love and miss them so much!~

Turning over a new leaf!

2006-11-12T22:57:00.000Z

I'm so happy today! I'm still not talking to SY though but even she can't ruin my day today! I'm feeling on top of the world!!! Actually it's not me not wanting to talk to her. I did try but she doesn't want to talk to me. So it's not my fault and I'm not the childish one here. I even invited her out together with some of my friends to go walking but she didn't want to and like today when she decided to go out, she asked my other flatmates but not me. So it's she who has a problem with me and not me. So yeah anyways...I was hanging out in my room by myself the whole of Sunday because I didn't want to bump into her and 'The Perfect Guy' came online and he said hello to me on msn! Yeah! I know it's silly...Just a simple 'Hi' from him really made my day! *sigh* I was still feeling down a bit though, from my problem with SY so then I told him a bit about it. Not all...Because I don't like talking bad about people behind their backs...I'm not that kind of person. I was just telling him about what happened and what she said about me.

His conclusion is that she's jealous of me and that she is the kind of person who pulls people down to make themselves look better. And I thought...Hmm..That's true..Maybe that's why people like her more then me because she likes to tell people things about me which aren't true and she's quite secretive about her life but she's all ready to tell anything under the sun about me...True and untrue things as well. And then...For the jealous part..I never really thought of that...I mean my sister said that she, SY could be jealous about me that's why she does this to me and also my bestfriend but I never really thought much about it because seriously, what is there to be jealous about? I mean I'm not rich or that pretty...What is there to be jealous about? I can't think of anything. So anyways...When he told me that...I was kind of shocked...He's the 3rd person to tell me that and I was thinking...Is it true? Is she really jealous about me? It's really weird if she is though...And sad too cos she has to be this person. I don't know anything anymore. I'm so confused about life and everything. I mean I do know that friends come and go...But I really wanted this friendship to last. I mean I've been holding on to this friendship for 3+ years and I really want it to work. But I guess I'm just kidding myself and that we really have no future together. Gosh!~* I'm making our friendship sound more like a relationship! lol...I'm still sticking to my word though... About not being so close to her anymore. I really broke down the other day and I didn't have anyone to confide in so I called my sister and she was asleep..Duh..Because it was 6 something in the morning and I just needed someone to talk to and she was there for me. She calmed me down and yeah..I'm okay now. Still trying to adjust myself to the new situation about not being so close to her anymore...I'll definitely survive!

I know I'm no saint here. I mean no one is a saint and I'm not trying to say that I am and I know she isn't that bad a person. She's just a confused girl who needs help. Just not from me though. Because I did try to be her goodfriend but she kept hurting my feelings. Even on days when I'm so happy and I try to spread my happiness, she'll call me irritating! Nothing I do for her is ever correct or good enough. So I seriously don't know how to help her. Maybe her boyfriend can help her there.

The advice 'The Perfect Guy' gave me was to make friends with other people from my course. Even though they have their own group of friends, I should try to make friends with them and not stick to my own kind but spread around. SY is not my only friend I have. The reason why I didn't bother to mix much in the first place is because I didn't want to leave my friends behind. But he said that if they were nice or goodfriends, then yeah...I should do that...But since they are not, I should mix around! So...Yeah...I'm going to take his advice on that and am kind of excited! I can't wait to talk to my other coursemates. Who knows? I might meet some really nice people who will appreciate me and accept me for who I am. :) He said that I will be okay because I'm a carefree person. He's not the first person to tell me that I'm carefree...A lot of my friends says that about me too. I'm carefree!!! I don't know if that's good though...cos it sounds like I'm naive and silly and childish maybe?

I'm just happy I got to talk to him...Even if it's only once a week...I'm still happy! He's a busy guy and he works fulltime and he has to catch up with his studies during the weekends because his exam is next month. But after talking to him...He said that he's worried about me because it's his obligation, in other words...His duty to see that I'm okay because he knows my mom. And I was like 'What?' does this mean that the reason why he talks to me is because of my mom? I just hope it's not though...I don't want him to ever feel that way about me. I want him to talk to me because of me and not because he knows my mom. I don't want to be his obligation and I definitely don't want him to feel that he has to talk to me not because he wants to but because he has to. You know what I mean? I hope I make sense...

My granduncle

2006-11-10T21:58:00.000Z

I really really miss my granduncle a lot! I still think about him now and then. I just can't believe that he's gone and he's never coming back! He passed away peacefully on the 13th of July 2006. It was a really HUGE shock for all of us because his death was so sudden. I was lucky that I visited him the day before he passed away. He was looking good and healthy that no one knew that he would suddenly go. Even that morning itself, my grandaunt said that he walked all the way to the market to buy her rambutans (some hairy looking fruit) because he knew that she liked to eat rambutans. Later in the afternoon around 1pm, he started to feel a bit uneasy and my grandaunt tried to get hold of my mom on her mobile but it never rang. I guess she panicked and dialed the wrong number because my mom never got even a single missed call on her mobile. So my grandaunt then called my uncle who then took them, my granuncle and aunt to the normal clinic where once the doctor saw my granduncle, he asked my grandaunt to get him to the hospital ASAP. And even at the emergency room...The nurses didn't even bother to look at him but attended to the other patients who were not badly injured. And my uncle was sitting there for quite sometime until my grandaunt told the nurse to look at my granduncle because he wasn't feeling good at all. This is what you get when you go to government hospitals in Malaysia. They are very inefficient! My granduncle passed away at around 4pm. It was really fast and sudden. When we finally got the call from my grandaunt, it was 5pm and my granduncle had already passed away. I couldn't stop crying for days because I love both my granduncle and grandaunt a lot! They were the ones who looked after me when I was younger when my parents had to work. They are even closer to me then my own grandparents. So you can imagine how much I love them.

After his death, I feel that life is really precious and that we should treasure each day and live life to the fullest and with no regrets! Life's too short and you never know when you'll go. So it's best to tell the people you love how you feel about them because life is so unexpected. It's scary not to know when or how you'll be leaving this world and how long more you have left on earth. Our bodies are only temporary and once it gets weak or destroyed in an accident, our souls just leave our bodies.

I keep regretting each day for not telling my granduncle how I felt about him and how much I loved him. I always thought that he would be here when my sister gets married or when I get my first pay, I would be able to give him a big treat but I guess the timing just isn't right and I never knew that time was running out. I just know that life wont ever be the same without him around. I'm just glad that he didn't suffer when he died. He was lucky in that way. I just wished that I had taken some recent pictures with him. I don't have that many pictures with him and it's something I'll regret for the rest of my life. I should have taken more pictures with him and now it's too late! I have one of him when I was in junior high. So you can imagine how long ago that was. Everytime I think about my granduncle, I think about the song Affimation by the band Savage Garden. There's one part where it says 'I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye'. That is so true. I really miss him and I hope he's in a better place. May he rest in peace.

Here are two pictures I scanned from my granduncle's photo album. He's a very sentimental person and he keeps everything he has organised and labeled. This is one of the few pictures I scanned.

I like this picture of him a lot! He looks really funny here. I really wonder who took this picture for him. lol

I don't really like this picture that much but it's one of the few I have taken with him. From left to right, my granduncle, elder sister and me. This was taken in Singapore when I was about 13 or 14 years old. It was a really long time ago. I don't remember taking this picture at all! I found it while I was going through his photo albums. Definitely something worth keeping. :)

I took this picture on his funeral day.

Move Along!

2006-11-09T01:02:00.000Z

I really don't know what is wrong with me! Why can't I just ignore the things my flatmate and friend whom I've known for 3+ years? Yes...I'm talking about the same girl again...She's SY and well...as usual, she's been giving me trouble again! Yeah...like the other day when I was at my campus Bower Ashton and they have an art shop there where you can purchase art materials and there, there's a big notice of what the art shop sells and for some reason, I don't know why I suddenly forgot what magic tape was...yeah..stupid right? so anyways, It slipped my mind for that second and I asked SY 'What's magic tape?' and she went 'What???! You don't know what MAGIC TAPE is????!!!' She looked at me and said it in a very and I mean VERY loud voice until the girl infront of us turned to look at me. I was so embarrassed! And the time when she said that to me, she was frowning and looking at me as if I was the stupidest person alive! And well...thats not the only time she made me feel stupid...there was a few incidents as well...and today was the last straw that I really couldn't take it no more that I went over to Jin Jin's flat. Jin Jin I feel is the best person/ friend I've met so far here. She's real, sincere, nice, easy going, not kiasu, funny, cheerful, carefree and just a nice friend to be with. So anyways, I went to her flat and we talked and talked...she really made me feel better... She doesn't like SY as well because she feels that she's FAKE and unreal and definitely not an easy going person. And what she told me about what SY told her about me before she met me was that I was dependable, speechless (I think she meant quiet), and that I take her as my bestfriend. At first I thought that she thought that I was her bestfriend...but it's the other way around. She thinks that I think that she's my bestfriend...AS IF!!! If she was only that lucky! I treat her the way I would like to be treated which is good but I definitely do not think of her as my bestfriend! Not now and not EVER!!! She can dream on that I'll ever consider her as my bestfriend or even goodfriend. See..this is what I mean! she keeps telling people the wrong things about me which isn't true!!!! Now isn't that annoying? And irritating? And the best part of all was that she actually told Jin Jin that the reason why I decided to go to UWE is because of her!!! Because I knew she was coming here! OMIGOD!!!! that is so F***ing untrue!! The reason why I chose UWE is because I liked the facilities the university has to offer and it's a better university compared to the one I wanted to go which was also in the UK. I mean why would I want to go to the same university as her? She is such a negative person that I really wished that she didn't go to the same university as me. I would be a much happier if she wasn't here with me. It's the total opposite! See...she doesn't really know me and she thinks she does! It goes to show that no matter how long you know a person, you still don't really know them or even understand them. And you can't go around assuming you know them by telling untrue things to others. Like what SY does to me. She gives people the wrong impression about me even before I meet them or even people I've just met. I'm so glad that Jin Jin gave me a chance by getting to know me and not taking what SY had to say about me. She found that I'm the total opposite of what SY had to say about me. So see, I'm not a bad person...she just gives the wrong impression about me to others...She's such a horrible person!

From today onwards, I'm not going to mix so much with her....my "so-called bestfriend"...haha..she WISH! And she even had the cheek to ask me why I was angry? Was it because she was going to Venice with my other flatmate PS for a holiday during christmas? I was like what the hell? NO! why should I be angry with her about that? I mean yes I want to go to Venice, but why should I be angry about that? My sister is coming to visit me at that time and that's even better then going to Venice. I can go there anytime I want. Why should I go there with them? With such horrible people! I don't need them! I can go by myself and I definitely don't need to depend on her for god sake! I'm not an infant!!!! And the reason why I was pissed off with her was because she made me feel stupid with her stupid expression on her face and the way she answers me, as if whatever question I was asking her was really really stupid! Yeah! All I can say is that she really really REALLY doesn't not know me at all. Not even 50% of me and she knows me for like 3 years +?

So yeah..I was pretty pissed off with her today...then after talking with Jin Jin for quite some time, I came back to my room and decided to motivate myself by listening to the song 'Move Along' by The All-American Rejects. This song really speaks to me and I feel so much better after listening to it. But after listening to that song a few times in a row, I decided to call my sister to talk to her because I was really feeling down. She's the only one in this world who really understands me and she told me that I should have listened to her and not mix so much with SY and that leopards don't change their spots. So yeah..I really have to take her advice on this to stop myself from getting hurt. I really miss her. I wish she was here with me and not so far away...

Here is the music video and lyrics from The All-American Rejects for the song title 'Move Along'.

MOVE ALONG
-----------------

Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking
When you fall everyone sins
Another day and you've had your fill of sinking
With the life held in your
Hands are shaking cold
These hands are meant to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
Move along

So a day when you've lost yourself completely
Could be a night when your life ends
Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
All the pain held in your
Hands are shaking cold
Your hands are mine to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)

When everything is wrong we move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
When everything is wrong, we move along
Along, along, along

When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
[x3]

(Move along)
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
Right back what is wrong
We move along

Adam + Eve

2006-11-07T16:09:00.000Z

Here is something I created using Adobe Illustrator. It's a vector graphic of Adam + Eve.

The perfect guy

2006-11-07T12:48:00.000Z

I found the perfect guy that any girl would just fall for...He's sweet, funny, romantic, athletic, tall, good looking, caring, plays the guitar and writes his own songs and he's single! I've really gotten to know him more through msn. We've been IMing each other off and on whenever he's free or vice versa and I find him really fun to talk to. I've met him before at his cousin's wedding in Singapore. It's a long story. He's my mom's bestfriends sisters son. He's currently working in the UK as an engineer and studying his masters part time. He's really hardworking and he's smart! He's just perfect! Well...to me that is. I never thought that someone like him could actually exsist! Anyways...to cut things short, he gave me his UK mobile incase I need his help in the UK because I was coming here to study and he lives about maybe 1+ hour from where I live. So when I got here, I rang him just to tell him that I was in the UK because you can't just suddenly call someone out of the blue whom you just met once...okay twice in your life and expect them to drop everything and come all the way to where you live to help you? So it's common courtesy to at least call them first. So I did that and we exchanged e-mails and then the next minute we're msning each other...

I really think that I have a really big crush on him...and I mean HUGE! But I don't think that anything will happen between us because he just treats me as his friend and he tells me about his ex's which is not a good thing if you ever plan to start a relationship with someone. He told me that I'm a keeper and he envy's whoever me and my sister marries because we hold such strong values in us. I felt really touched by what he said...a keeper...it really sounds nice...but even if I were a keeper, would he want to be the guy for me? All these questions keep running through my head...but I don't think it'll happen as I think he still loves his second girlfriend a lot even though they have broken up for 5 years now. He can't seem to stop talking about her. He even told me that if they were still together, he would probably be engaged to her by now because he really loves her. It's really romantic...for a guy to love a girl and think about her even after so long...it's just like in the movies. So there goes my perfect guy...*sigh* just my luck huh? but I do believe that everyone has a soulmate made and created by god just for them and that soulmate only compliments that person or is perfect for only that person and no one else. It really depends on your luck whether you manage to find your soulmate or not. It's just that trying to find your soulmate is really hard and I think that I've found mine except that he is still in love with his ex...but then again...maybe he's not my soulmate...I don't know...I just wish I could stop thinking about him so much and concentrate more on my assignments...

5 things my mp3 could be if it wasn't an mp3

2006-11-06T19:05:00.000Z

This is basically the continuation of my first task I did about 'A day in a life of my mp3 player'. I had to come up with different ideas on what my mp3 player could be if it wasn't an mp3 player. I got stuck at the begining of this task until I started to look at my mp3 from a different angle and it really worked because ideas just kept flowing through my brain after I did that...It was really fun! I came up with 13 ideas of what my mp3 player could be...but later picked the 5 most interesting ideas to execute. So here are the five ideas...

Fancy spectacles using the frame of the mp3 player...

Shower head using the earphones from the mp3 player...

Underwear line using the earphone wire from the mp3 player...

Flower in a pot for people who don't have green thumbs where the flower will never die on you...

Christmas tree lights using the different coloured LED colours from the mp3 player and stringing them on the christmas tree...

A day in a life of my mp3 player...

2006-11-05T17:09:00.000Z

This is an assignment I did for uni. We basically had to pick an everyday object and do something about it. I picked my mp3 player and the reason behind it is because I can't live without it. It's my best bud and I love music so much that I can't go a day without listening to music. That is how much music really means to me. And yeah..my mp3 player is really important to me because it was a present from my sister and my mom specially made the case for me to protect my mp3. So it's really special to me. My assignment is about 'A day in a life of my mp3 player.' It's basically a small booklet like a journal where I state the time and how I spend the day with my mp3 player. It was a really fun assignment. I really enjoyed taking the pictures of my mp3 player...So anyways...here it is...

I need to recharge!

2006-11-03T21:54:00.000Z

It's been a really and I mean really hectic week this week...I haven't gotten enough sleep and I feel so tired that I think I could sleep for a whole month! yeah...that would be nice...well..right now all I can say is 'YAY!' I've finished all my 3 tasks on time although I don't think my last task was really good as I didn't really have time to play around with it. I did my work right until the last minute I had before I had to leave my flat to go for class and yet I was kind of late and I had to run all the way there. It was horrible but at least I completed my work and I'm actually quite excited and happy about my work...for the first one where I was actually stuck at first and well...I managed to take some really great pictures of my mp3 player and what I did with it. My assignment was to 'Tell a story about an everyday object', and I picked my mp3 player as my object...so I did ' A day in a life of an mp3 player'. It was really fun and I really enjoyed doing that task even though I didn't have enough time to complete my last task which was to design a packaging design for 2 target audiences. So anyways...here are the pictures I took for my assignment to tell a story about the day my mp3 had and I did that into a mini booklet with some words describing the time and where it was. It's like a journal kind of booklet I did. So yeah...

I'll post it tomorrow...am a bit tired now..going to sleep and recharge...Zzzzz

Feeling lost

2006-10-26T19:31:00.000+01:00

I'm so sad today. I have loads of work to do and the thing is, I'm not sure whether my idea for my design works. My tutor Carol doesn't seem to like what I'm doing and I think she hates me. I really do. I felt kind of weird last week as I had to stay back to ask her about my work as I was getting kind of scared because my idea wasn't appoved and well...I have to hand it up next week thursday...All three of my assignments together. It's really scary as we have too little time to do our work and well...I'm really scared my finished design isn't good enough because of the timeline. Anyways...there were 5 of us and I was sitting in the middle...so she first critique her favourite student Karen and then moving on to Alex and by right I was next as she was going in a circular motion and I was after Alex, but she skipped me and went the other side to Tim and then another guy...and me the last. I waited for like an hour just for her to critique my work for only 10 minutes? I really felt like I wasted my time. And I can see that she doesn't like me. Well...even today...while I was explaining Karen's work to Jin Jin because she didn't understand and she asked me to keep quiet. I got a shock and according to Sin Yeun, my face changed...well..I didn't feel anything towards her..just that I didn't mean to disturb her while she was listening to Karen it's just that I was just trying to explain to Jin Jin what Karen said as her english isn't really good. But then I told Carol (my tutor) that I was explaining to Jin Jin about Karen's work because she doesn't understand and she looked sorry that she scholded me so later during the coffee break, she came to me and apologise. I'm really sorry that I interupted her class. I really didn't mean to. And I have a feeling that she feels that I'm lazy or something because I always don't have much things to show her, but I do have sketches and well...I guess that doesn't work for her. I'm still trying my best to adapt to the teaching environment here. It's so different from back home. It really is...I'm so scared that I can't cope and well...it's really scary!

The difference is, the brief given to us is not really what you have to do. You can go beyond that and explore more. But you see, I'm just not use to how they teach here so I'm really lost and I just follow exactly what is given in the brief and it's just not enough! I really don't know what to do really...I feel like crying to soothe myself that I can do it and that I just need to calm down and not think so much and try to do my work fast...I will be starting today as I really need to do loads of stuff. Yeah....Wish me luck!!! I need all the luck and strength there is...

An online test

2006-10-20T17:25:00.001+01:00

This is an online test I did...I guess it sounded interesting and also I was feeling kind of bored so...yeah...

Your Dominant Intelligence is Spatial Intelligence

You've got a good sense of space and how the world around you looks.
You can close your eyes and "see" images. You have innate artistic talent.
An eye for color and shapes, you're also a natural designer.
Since you think in pictures, visual aids and demonstartions help you learn best.

You would make a good navigator, sculptor, visual artist, inventor, architect, interior designer, or engineer.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

A long day!

2006-10-19T20:36:00.000+01:00

It's a really long day for me today. I slept for only an hour yesterday trying to complete my assignment. I tell you, I can't seem to get the first brief correct! I don't really know what the lecturer wants from me. It's been like 2 weeks now and I'm still trying to figure it out. I have been cracking my head over what I have to do and yet it's always incorrect. *sigh* But my second brief was okay. My lecturer kind of liked my ideas and today we were given another brief to complete for next week. So we have like 3 tasks to finish for this project. I hope everything will go find with my first brief and the 3rd brief which I got today.

Been feeling a bit down these few days for no reason at all. I don't know what has happened to me? I remember being really excited and happy before coming here and now I just want to be left alone in my room listening to my music.

Well, It's raining again. What's new? It's been raining everyday here and the weather is getting colder each day. My heater isn't working to it's full potential and I'm really scared when winter comes when it'll be really cold. Now I understand why British people hate the weather here.

Kiasu people

2006-10-18T12:02:00.000+01:00

I HATE kiasu people with a capital 'H'. They are the worst people ever!!! I can't stand my kiasu of a flatmate. She is so darn kiasu for words. She's always scared to share or to tell things to me because she's scared I beat her in design or anything for that matter. But what I can't stand most is that we both applied for a job at a cafe in a shopping complex but we didn't get any call for an interview or anything, so when my friend Jin Jin applied for a job as a waitress at a hotel near my accomodation, I said out loud that I want to apply for it as well and that kiasu girl went 'huh?' 'You want to apply for this job also?' then I went 'Yeah...why? It's not like the cafe called me or anything.' And then she kept quiet. Then behind my back, she went to apply for the job because we signed up for the UWE Jobshop where they will send students jobs for you to apply if you're interested. So then, she didn't bother to tell me or anything. But I didn't manage to send them an e-mail as I deleted the e-mail sent from the UWE Jobshop so I couldn't get any details. Moreover, I was kinda busy with my assignments and forgot about it. But when she got her application form yesterday, she didn't even tell me anything. And she's supposed to be one of my goodfriends? Well...now I know that she's not. I mean I share with her everything...things I find online and etc...that will help me and her in our design work. But then suddenly I realised that I was the only one giving her informations and she didn't give anything back in return. So then I stopped telling her anything as well. I mean I can't be the one always telling and sharing information with her and getting nothing back. It's always give and take. If she can be selfish. I can be selfish too!

But what I can't stand most is her being so kiasu. Arrrgghh!~* well...just like last week, she wrote some stuff down on a piece of paper which she stapled together. It looked like some sort of DIY notebook using used papers on the back. So she was writing the type of printers to get. Comparing the different models they have here in the UK and in Malaysia. So when I took it to see, I asked her...'What is this?' and turned the pages...and before I could even look at what she wrote...she snatched it back at me and looked at me angrily and said...'It's my working notes!'. Hello? It's not that I'm going to steal her ideas or anything. I mean come on! I was just looking. So she got some information from the time she worked in a company...so what? does she have to snatch it away and look at me so angry as if I were to steal or learn from her notes. Now if that isn't kiasu...what is? I'm just so FED UP!!!

Old pictures

2006-10-16T01:20:00.000+01:00

I've been looking back at my old pictures and well...it really brings back memories. Who knew that a single photo could actually make you feel happy just thinking back at the moment you took it. It's something which is preservered and it's your memory captured in a piece of paper for you to hang on to and remember the good old days. Gosh!*~ I sound like I'm 80 years old. lol... I just feel that sometimes I wish I could go back to the times when I was happy and carefree just not thinking or caring much about the future or what lies ahead. Isn't it strange that when you were younger, you couldn't wait to grow up and be just like your mom where you can dress really nice everyday, put make up on, wear bra's and high heels. But as you get older, you wish that you were young again because the older you get, the more responsibilities you have as well as more worries and troubles. It's just weird. But that's how I feel.

Maybe thats why I like looking back at my old pictures. I like thinking back to the time where I took the picture and what was I thinking then when I took it. All I know is that I just look really happy. I guess I just have a lot of things on my mind lately with my assignments and etc. It's kind of tough here with the different style of teaching and I'm really trying hard to catch up with the other students and it's really hard. I feel so sad sometimes because I don't really have anyone here with me and my friends are all mostly working now so they are hardly online and well, with the different times zones, it's really hard to get hold and talk to them. I really miss them all. But most of all, I miss my sister the most because she's the only one who really understands me. So that's why I decided to go through my old pictures which were all hidden in my folders in my laptop. It really cheered me up and I feel so much better now just thinking back to the great times I had. So you see, old photos are really important because they help cheer a person up when they're sad and it's a memory preserved in a tangible way. That's why I treasure all my photos a lot!

Paper thin walls

2006-10-11T11:50:00.000+01:00

Yesterday I heard my housemate having sex with someone. I was on my laptop listening to music when one of my flatmates knocked on my door and when I opened it, she came running in and she looked kind of shaken. I was like 'Are you okay? what happened?' then she said that my french flatmate was having sex. Then I asked her 'Are you sure?' then she said 'YES!' then later after switching off my music which I was playing quite loudly, I could actually hear her moaning and screaming. It was coming through the air ventilator and every room in our flat has one including the kitchen and toilets. So no one's conversation is safe if it's supposed to be a secret, everyone can hear what everyone is saying. So anyways, I went out from my room to go to my other flatmate's room to ask her whether she can hear my flatmate having sex through the air ventilator and outside the corridoor, I could hear her through the walls....that shows how thin our walls are. I can even hear my neighbour/flatmates voice when she sings and when she plays her music, I can actually feel the vibration on the cardboard wall from my room. This shows how thin the walls are. I feel like I have no privacy sometimes with these walls because when you want to talk and not let others hear your conversation, you have to whisper and that really SUX! And yeah, my other flatmate could hear them having sex as well...lol

Speaking of sex, I managed to see a couple having sex right outside my window on the second week I was here in the UK. Now that really freaked me out. I guess I'm just not used to seeing these sort of public sex affection. It's new to me I guess but I'll get use to it. It's nothing really...come to think of it. But I'll never to do that ever in my life! I think that sex with someone is really special and it should be done somewhere private and not in a public place. I guess one of the reasons why people like having sex in public areas is because they like the thrill of it. Or so I think they do...or they just can't wait to have sex and it's too troublesome to go to a motel to get a room. Oh well...whatever works for them... I'll be ending this off with some pictures I took of the couple having sex outside my window. Yeah...I took pictures with one of my flatmates and we exchanged it later. You can't really see much..really...just the guys butt.

Exploring Bristol

2006-10-08T01:18:00.000+01:00

Yesterday me and Jin Jin went to explore Bristol to take some pictures. We left about 9:30am and packed some food along for our little trip. She did a sandwich which contained fried egg, tuna, sliced onion, cucumber, mayo and salad sauce. It was really good! I LOVED it! It was something different which I've never ate before and would definitely love to eat it again someday. Anyways I did potato salad and egg sandwich. Our first stop was to a cathedral where we will be having our graduation ceremony at next year. We went in to have a look and took some pictures as well. It's a really beautiful church. Me and friend spent about an hour plus just taking pictures and resting at the garden outside to have our lunch. I think it's a graveyard though, but it was really peaceful and there were so many flowers around that I felt really at home and at ease. It's even nicer then castle park. After that we walked awhile looking at some interesting shops but didn't manage to buy anything as it was quite pricey. If it's dollar for dollar then everything here is really cheap but it's not and I have to x7 whenever I want to buy something. Like I saw a really nice pair of shoes which costs $12 pounds, so 12 x 7 = RM84 in Malaysian for that pair of shoes which to me isn't worth RM84 at all. I can get a really nice pair of shoes for RM50 and sometimes below if it's on sale so RM84 for a normal looking pair of shoes just isn't worth it at all. To me anyways. So yeah, all the shops were priced pretty like that so I didn't manage to get anything.

We then went to BISC because I wanted to buy the one day London trip ticket but they were closed so looks like I have to register myself online and pay for it later. Maybe Monday since i'll be going for a walk organised by BISC. Am so excited to go to London. It's next Saturday and my german friend kristin is going to go as well. I can't remember London at all because the last time I was there was when I was around 3 or 4 years old. I don't consider landing at heathrow's airport in London before coming to Bristol by coach as being to London before. It's more like hello and goodbye London. And not to mention that the London airport is so ugly! I think it's the ugliest airport I've ever seen! Gosh!~*

Anyways, back to my story, now where was I? Oh yeah, so after seeing that BISC was closed, we went to the musem 'The Red Lodge'. The museum contains last surviving suite of 16thC rooms in Bristol, including fine, carved paneling, stone fireplaces and fine furniture. Altered in 18thC. Tudor-style knot garden. It's a very nice building with beautiful antique furniture. We took some pictures inside the house and then later went out to the garden which was really beautiful as well. Then we decided to rest in the gardens and eat. After that we left to go to the mall galleries to walk around and see some sales that were going on and headed home after that. It was a really fun day!~ I don't mind repeating it again. I was so Happy...I took so many pictures of all the places I went to and some pictures of me as well. Only a few because I don't really like being in pictures. I like to take pictures more then being in it. So yeah...I'll be posting all my pictures soon on Flickr.

So after returning to my room, my friend came into my room to ask how was my trip today around Bristol and where I went. So I told her I went to the cathedral and spent about an hour plus over there and she went 'what? what did you guys do there?' then I told her that we went to take pictures and she went...'You know you can't take pictures at the cathedral?' Then it was my turn to say 'what? really? but there wasn't any sign saying that we couldn't take pictures.' Then she told me that it was common sense. Is she indirectly telling me that I have no common sense? :( I don't know, but thinking back, there were actually some people looking and maybe staring at us but I seriously didn't know that we can't take pictures in a cathedral. I thought that since it was open to the public, we could take pictures you know? And besides that, no one actually told us that we couldn't take pictures and I really didn't see any signs saying that either. But anyways, I really love all the pictures I took today. I don't regret taking the pictures even though we weren't supposed to. But the best part of it all is that me and my friend Jin Jin exchanged the pictures we took with each other so we have different style of photographs.

Thinking straight!

2006-10-06T08:29:00.000+01:00

After yesterdays incident and sleeping on it has got me thinking...Why am I still hanging on to the past? I should move on and stop thinking too much about the past. What has passed has passed and I should let go of all the things that had hurt me before and just move on with my life and not dwell over it. I shoudn't let little things like this get to me. Whats the point really? Crying wont help solve the problem so I might as well just forget about it. Like what my friend (flatmate) advised me was to gain a friend is better then an enemy. Which I think is really true because I don't think I can stand the fact of someone hating me. I wasn't really thinking straight yesterday so anyone's advise to me wouldn't be of any use. I was just too sad, hurt and angry that I just didn't want to hear anyone's advise. But now after much thought, it's really silly and stupid of me to break so easily. I always thought I was a much stronger person than that and me reaching my breaking point yesterday shows how weak I was. And that promised I made to myself before coming to the UK about being stronger, happier and not letting myself be hurt by others that easily was sort of broken yesterday. I really broke down as you can see and I feel stupid for it! So today is a brand new day and it's a brand new start. I'm going to start fresh and be happy that I'm alive!

What the HELL is her problem?

2006-10-05T20:12:00.000+01:00

Seriously tell me what the hell is her problem? I've know this girl for about 3 plus years now. We have been studying at the same college back home in Malaysia. But the thing is, she has been making my life a living hell for the whole 3 years I studied there. She made me feel like shit everytime we met which was quite often. She made me believe that everything I had wasn't good enough and the works I did was stupid or just plain ugly! But I don't understand why she does this to me by criticising me all the time. She never has a good thing to say about me. And I mean NEVER!!! But the weridest thing is that I still consider her as my friend. I have been tolerating her for all these years and I've treated her how I would have liked to be treated by others. I even drove her to her rented room and to college for the whole 3 years because she always complains about how dangerous it is to walk to college and blah blah blah...so as a friend, I fetch her all the time even though it was inconvenient for me because I had to make a BIG round just to fetch her to college and drop her back and it only takes her 10 minutes to walk to college, but I never did complain and I make it a point to fetch her all the time. Well..not all the time but about 99% of the time because sometimes I wake up late and if I were to fetch her, we would both be really late for class. But usually when it rains, I'm always there to fetch her.

So why is it that I still can't let go of our friendship even though she does all this stuff to me? It's not only her saying bad things about me, but also other stuff as well. If you were to meet me 3 years ago, you would know that I wasn't a really happy person. I was mostly always moody or just sad. I never really made many friends at college because my friend just puts into everyone's mind that I am a horrible person and that she's a saint and a really good hearted person. Yeah! Like hell she is!!! But what she does to me all the time is that she knows that I don't understand chinese language and yet she purposely talks in mandarin to my classmates making me feel so left out all the time and doesn't bother about me. I remember her making me feel so worthless that I had some really strong feelings of just ending my life as it's not worth living. It's as bad as that! I was never that a sad person in my life ever! Just after meeting and befriending her and her implanting untrue things in my head, it really made me believe everything she said about me was true! I remember crying my eyes out almost everyday just thinking about me and my pethetic life. I didn't want to talk to anybody about how I felt because I felt so unworthy!

So after graduating from that college and waiting for my term to start in the UK, I had like 6 to 7 months break so I worked for awhile as a Producer in a small production company where I met two other designers who were my seniors at the same college I graduated from. They were so different from all the people I've met when I studied there. They were so nice and friendly even though I felt that the guy was a bit weird in his thinking, but yet he was still a really nice person. I worked there for awhile and I really enjoyed myself because I felt belonged. We were all like a small family there. It was loads of fun! Other then that, I finally talked to my bestfriend about the problem I had with this friend of mine from college and she advised me and tried to motivate me. My sister as well. So the whole 6 to 7 months, I was actually recovering from what she did to me. It was long and crucial but it worked! So now i'm a much happier person. But the thing was, I was coming to the UK with her and studying at the same Uni as her as well as staying with her because we went through the same Uni representative. So yeah, she's now my flatmate and she hasn't changed a single bit at all!

But what is weird is why am I still tolerating her? I guess it's because I believe that there is good in everyone and I know that she has some goodness in her but I haven't been able to find it yet. Oh let me tell you what happened last sunday, you wouldn't believe what she did. Okay, well it was sunday morning and we were having breakfast in the kitchen. I then asked her whether she wanted to go to castle park later to walk and before I could finish my sentence, she cut me off by saying 'NO!' 'NOWAY!' It's raining and I'm not going to do anything today. Just going to rest the whole day!' her reaction was so big that she kind of gave me a shock! then she asked me to ask my other flatmate to accompany me. So later when I told my other flatmate that I was bored, she suggested that we go to castle park! I was like YEAH!~ She just read my mind. So I agreed but later she told me that another girl who is also my friend who stays in a different flat wants to come as well but she wants to go to the museum and art gallery as well and not just castle park. I was up for it as I just wanted to get out from my room and not waste a perfectly good Sunday by just lazing in my room. Life's too short to waste my time so I said okay and we got ready and were about to leave the flat but we went into the kitchen first and we saw my friend sitting there preparing something and when she saw us, she went 'You're going out?' In my head I was like Duh! isn't it obvious? but we just said yes and she went 'where?' and my flatmate told her. Her faced changed when she told her that we were going to the museum and art gallery. She looked like she wanted to go so we asked her whether she wanted to go with us but she sulked and said 'Everyone is already ready.' Then we went, 'we can wait for you. Go and get ready now.' And she went 'Never mind, you all go.' But she didn't look happy. But the reason why we didn't ask her to go out with us is because she already said that she didn't want to go out at all on sunday and that she wanted to just stay in the whole sunday! And when we asked her she didn't want to go, so why sulk and get angry over such a silly little matter? It makes no bloody sense if you ask me!

So after going to the museum and art gallery which was really good by the way, we all decided to head home as it was getting late and we were all hungry and wanted to eat our dinner. So when we got back to the flat, I went straight to the kitchen to cook my dinner and guess who was there? my sulking friend who is in fact still sulking over the fact that we didn't invite her. She refused to talk to me and when I asked her questions, she just gave the basic yes and no. So I was like whatever! So childish!! Hello? she's already 22 years old. She's going to be 23 next year and she's still so childish? I mean GROW UP! I'm her age and I'm not that sensitive so whats the excuse? So anyways, In came another housemate of mine who she doesn't really like much and always complains about her to me, she talked and joked with her the whole time. I mean it's really obvious that she's mad at me so I just ignored her and just cooked and ate my dinner. Then when I was done, I just washed up and was about to leave the kitchen when my flatmate whom my friend doesn't like asked me why why I was leaving and not wanting to accompany her. I was like huh? So I stayed and talked to her for awhile and then in came my flatmate who went to the museum and art gallery with me. She came in to cook her dinner as well. Then suddenly my friend started talking to me. It was weird! she's weird!

Then the next day at class, somehow our conversation led to yesterday's incident and my friend told me that she was annoyed by the both of us. Meaning me and my flatmate. She said what she can't stand most about the flatmate who went out with me was that she invited her so late as if she didn't really want her to go. Then she called her a faker! I was like what the hell? Does she mean me as well? Anyways I was there and we did invite her to go with us. I mean why would we bother to ask her if we didn't want her to go in the first place? Does that make sense to you? It makes absolutely no sense at all to me. So I left it as there and tried to forget the incident. And anyways, the only person who is fake in here is her. She loves to complain and talk bad about people behind their backs and then acts really nice infront of them. So tell me who the real faker is? Not to mention her cowardness for not calling me a faker infront of my face!

Then today after class, it was drizzling and I haven't gotten myself an umbrella yet but I told all my flatmates that I took my poncho raincoat with me this morning as it was also drizzling then and she went why don't you use the raincoat? Then I went use for what? and I was smiling when I said that. But somehow she got offended and told me 'You don't have to be so fierce. I was just asking.' And with that, she walked away. I was like what? Did I do something wrong again? I was in a really happy mood and have been since the day I arrived here so why should I get mad over such a stupid little minor thing like that?Anyways, I'm not that kind of person! Maybe she is, but I'm definitely not! So yeah..she's still angry with me and refused to say a word to me the whole time after that incident and not even during dinner. She talked to my other flatmates but not me. Oh well...I've really have had enough of her nonsense already! It's been 3 plus years already and I've really had it! If she want's to be like this and never change, there is absolutely nothing I can do to help her. She can be like that for the rest of her life. As sensitive as hell! I'm not going to bother to work anymore on this friendship if I'm always the one giving and she's the one taking all the time. It's some sort of a one way friendship so whats the use? I can find friends anywhere and I'm really tired to work on this friendship I have with her anymore. I've tried! God knows I tried...I kept our friendship even though she made me feel like shit and when she hurt me so badly that I cried almost every night. I really can't take it anymore! I try to understand her but I just can't! I don't want to be like the person I used to be 3 years ago which was moody and sad all the time! I really lost myself because she made me believe that I was someone else which I wasn't and she tends to tell people, even new people I've met about me which isn't even true at all and when I protest, she keeps insisting that I'm like that. I mean who know's me more than me? So why keep saying what I'm not? I gave it back to her the other day when she said that to me. I told her that she doesn't really know me at all if she thinks I'm like that. That kind of shut her up! So tell me? Is this friendship worth it at all? I seriously doubt so! I just hope I don't go back on my word and appologise to her for whatever mistake I did. I tend to do that because I really can't stand having someone staying mad at me. That's just me. My mom keeps telling me that I shouldn't be so soft hearted but that's just the way I am.

So now, I'm just going to not take whatever she says to me to heart and think too much about it. If I do that, I'll just end up the same way as I was before and I don't ever want to be that person again! I love being who I am now and am not planning on ever changing! Not for her or anybody! Life's too short and I want to die a happy person and not sad. I want to live life the fullest with no regrets at all!

Feeling at home at BISC

2006-10-03T21:02:00.000+01:00

Today I went to BISC (Bristol International Student Centre) where they are basically a Christian based charity centre. I really enjoyed myself as I felt really at home there because everyone was so friendly. Thanks to Jin Jin, my friend who asked me to go for the BISC dinner today, if it wasn't for her I wouldn't have ever thought of going. So anyways, only 3 of us went which was me, Jin Jin and Stephanie. My other two flatmates Sin Yeun and Pei Shan didn't want to go as it was too cold and they were too lazy to walk all the way to BISC which is located on the hill. Their lost! It was really fun cos we got to socialise with other people from other Universities as well other then ours who are in different faculty. So yeah! It was loads of FUN! Back to where I was, oh yeah, we arrived at BISC almost 7pm and was greeted by a guy named Robin. He's really cute! He's one of the volunteers for tonight and was quite busy so I didn't manage to talk to him. But he's someone I'm looking forward to meeting again! *sigh* (dreaming). He asked us to hang our coats and enter the living room to mingle with the other students. I sat next to a girl named Mun who is from China. She's studying something about Nutrition and etc. Too long a title to remember. She's the same age as me and she's now taking her masters! gosh!~* I was shocked when she told me that because I'm only taking my degree now and she's taking masters? Wow! We talked for a while and then dinner was ready so we went into the dining area where there were 3 long tables. Our table was filled with 5 guys and the 3 of us. All of them are from Bristol University except for us which is a good thing because we got to see some new faces. There were two guys who were sitting beside me from Malaysia as well. I was so happy for some reason. It's weird but I got to meet other Malaysians! Yay! They were pretty nice and friendly as well. But the funny part was that the guy sitting beside me kinda looked like my ex-boyfriend. I don't know if that's weird or what but it suddenly got me thinking about my ex-boyfriend whom I don't really think much of after we broke up. So yeah, it was kinda weird for me. He's taking medicine by the way. I know, that sounds really tough! He's been here for like 4 years now. Only 1 more year to go. I didn't really talk much to him mainly because I didn't really know what to talk to him about.

So anyways, we were given a menu and a few choices to pick from. I ordered pasta with tuna and corn. It was too much so I didn't manage to finish it and the guy beside me was actually happy and he took it from me and ate the rest of it because he was still hungry. It was so funny as I've only met him and he's finishing off my leftovers? Hmm..weird! So later when we were given 2 choices of dessert to choose from which was apple crumble and brownie either with custard or ice-cream topping. I didn't order as I was too full to eat another bite. But I really think that it's worth $2 pounds for dinner + dessert + drink as well. We didn't have to pay as it was our first time and it's some sort of a welcome to Bristol dinner. Will definitely go again! It's really a great place to meet new people and socialise. Maybe I'll even volunteer next time because I really love the place so much and I feel so at home, comfortable and safe there. :)

Goodbye New York trip

2006-10-02T22:54:00.000+01:00

There's this New York trip coming up where you have to pay GBP 500 if you want to go. Now that's a lot of money! But it includes air fare and accomodation for a week. I really want to go because New York is the heart of graphic design and there is so much to see there. I've always wanted to go to New York but my mom thinks that it's a very dangerous place to study thats why I ended up studying in the UK instead. Not that it's a bad thing or anything, I do like the the university I'm studying in now and am really grateful to be here. It's just that if I could, I would have prefered to study in New York instead. So when I heard about the trip, I was quite excited but when I asked my mom, she said that it's way too expensive and that my studies and trips I'm planing to take around UK would cost alot already. And the trip to New York would probably exclude entrance fees and definitely goes without saying, FOOD! So yeah...there goes my dream to go to New York! *sigh* I'll definitely go to New York one day! It won't be now or next year, but in the future! So 'WATCH OUT NEW YORKERS!!! Shyuanie is definitely going to New York in the near future and she'll be the one pointing and poking her camera and taking anything under the sun so BEWARE!!!' hahaha...I'm just feeling kinda nutty now. lol. It's all the mixed emotions I have mixed together inside me. So this is what you get. A nutty person! Hmm... Well at least now I have something to look forward to in the future... :)

First day of class

2006-09-29T22:33:00.000+01:00

Well, yesterday was my first day of class at Uni. I was quite excited and scared at the same time because I didn't know anyone there except my 3 friends whom I met back home through the Universities representative. Whats even scarier is that we are the only asians in the whole level 3. I know it's silly to be scared over such a little thing, but I guess I'm just not used to not seeing other asians around. Our class was suppose to start at 9:30am but for some reason, we only started at around 10:15am. The tutors then posted up everyone's names on the notice board where we were all broken up and put into small groups to present our portfolios. I got Rob as my tutor. He's a pretty nice guy so I was really happy that I got him. I was the last one to present as I was really scared and am not really good at presentations because I tend to stutter and make a fool of myself. I don't know why I always choke up whenever I do presentations. GGrrr....It's annoying!!! I guess I just can't stand the fact where I have to stand and face everyone and do my presentation. *sigh* I just hate being in the limelight! The only voice I could hear in the room was mine! So anyways, I think I sped through my presentation because I was really nervous. One girl in the class later asked me for my website address. I think it's because she couldn't really see my work and wanted to check it out on her own time. Oh well...at least I did my best.

On another note, my housemates and I got a letter from the accomodation manager on tuesday to meet her at her office to talk about the incident that happend where a guy rang my flats doorbell asking for weed in the wee hours. We met up with her and gave her a clearer statement and she told us that the university takes our letter really seriously and that they are now investigating on the incident that happened. I really hope they do something about it and not just say it for the sake of saying it!

Western culture isn't that great!

2006-09-22T00:54:00.000+01:00

I'm so annoyed with how the people here at UWE (University of the West of England) handle things. Do they ever communicate with each other? They don't seem to really know what is really going on and they seem to give us (me and my friends) wrong information whenever we ask them something or the best part of all, they don't even bother to help us! Yeah thats right! They are so unhelpful! How do the people here do their jobs? I mean seriously speaking, with their attitude, It's a wonder that the university is still running. They are a bunch of unprofessional people ready with an excuse to tell you that it's not their fault and blah blah blah! Put a lid on it! Stop making lame excuses and please do your job! No one wants to listen to your lame excuses. For goodness sake, I'm not asking to be treated like royalty here, but at least treat us with respect or equally like all the other EU students. I sometimes feel that the people here are a bit racist! I can feel it when they talk to us or when we enter a room, the way they look at us really sends a chill down my back. It's really scary sometimes but I do put on a brave face to show that I'm not scared and that I have every right to be here as much as them. At first I really thought that it was all in my head or just my imagination that the caucasian's here look at us weirdly but all my friends feel the same way as well so it can't just be me. But what I can't stand most is that we encountered so many problems after coming to the UK. First it was our accomodation contract, our student ID's, internet access, no free shuttle bus like they promised, accused us for not paying all our tuition fees when in fact we paid fully before coming to the UK, and etc. Too many to list down. I'm seriously fed up with their system here!

And last night, someone actually rang my flats doorbell around 2:30am! Waking us all up to ask if we had marijuana. What an idiot! Did he know what time it was? What a bum! Do we look like we do drugs? Not to mention the loud music, people screaming, talking, laughing the whole night away. It was pretty annoying as all of us couldn't sleep. What a bunch of nincompoops! Anyways, the next day on the bus on our way to our campus, we heard other students from other flats complaining that there were about 10 people who were actually going around ringing people's doorbell in the wee hours. The scary part was one of my friends boyfriend who was staying over opened the door when they rang the doorbell at 3am and they invited him to go for the party they were having and he told them that it was too late and they called him and idiot and wanted to fight with him. Now that was scary! my friend then tried to call the warden of our building but he said that he wasn't on duty and didn't bother to ask her if anything was wrong or listen to what she had to say but instead gave her another number to call but no one answered the phone when she called. What's the use of having wardens then if they don't really want to help? And to think that we have 3 wardens in our building! So now I know that it's better to rely and call the police next time instead of the wardens who are totally useless!

So today, one of my friends (also my flatmate) called the accomodation people to tell them about our intercom not working and asked them to fix it as it's really troublesome because sometimes when our friends visit, they can't buzz us to let them in or when the UPS delivery man comes, he can't come into our building as well because he doesn't have a swipe card so he'll leave a note in between the doors on the main entrance and when someone opens the door withour looking or just thinking that it's a useless flyer, the paper might fly or drop and no one would know that the UPS guy came. This happened to us so many times that it's frustrating! Our mailbox isn't even in the building we're living in but in another building where the warden would collect the mail everyday and hand it to us personally. Now isn't that silly? Well, I think it is anyways. But what I can't stand most is that one of the warden actually scholded my friend by accusing her of trashing the place (our flat). That's so untrue as whatever is wrong with our flat was already like that even before we moved in. We are just stating what is wrong so that they can repair it and not deduct it later from our deposit at the end of the year. And later when my friend tried to tell the accomodation manager who was with the warden who accused her of trashing the place about last nights incident where a guy rang our doorbell asking for marijuana at 2:30am, she scholded my friend for opening the door. But if no one had opened the door, he would have rang the bell until someone did. She only opened the door the 3rd time he rang the bell. The woman then asked her why didn't she call the warden. But hello? It's 2:30am! And anyways, my friend from another flat like I said before, she did try to call the warden but one of the wardens said he's not on duty and gave her a number to call the warden on duty and when she did, no one answered. So tell me, whats the use???

So many things happened to us that I'm just too tired to even type or think about it anymore! I'm so sick of complaining all the time to the university people and them not really doing anything about it. But we have to complain so that they don't repeat the same mistakes again in the future. So yeah, tomorrow we're all going to the main campus which is Franchey campus, to give them our letter of complain with all the signatures we got and elaborate to them what happened as well. We are all not letting this incident go lightly. So if we all go in a group to complain, we have more power then if it were only one person and hopefully they will do something about it.

West vs East

2006-09-18T22:16:00.000+01:00

I feel that the people here in the UK really enjoy their lives more then people living in the asian countries. The shops here closes around 5pm except for bars and pubs. So the people here usually work until 5pm and then they can either go home or chill out at the bar or pub. Now that is living! When I was working part time back in Malaysia, I remember going back really late everyday after work. I'll reach home around 9 to 11pm. I'll be so dead tired that I'll fall asleep while checking my e-mail or IM-ing with my laptop on my stomach. lol... My friends were pretty pissed at me for not replying them all of a sudden as I was asleep...ZZzzz...I guess it's pretty funny because I don't ever remember being that tired at all in my life! I mean I stay up late while I was in college and could even go a day without sleeping, just rushing to complete my assignments and yet I don't feel as tired as I was when I was working. Weird isn't it? Working is really and I mean really different from studying. But the fun part is that you earn your own money and you don't have to depend on anyone. Thats the only thing I ever look forward to when I was working.

I don't even remember college life being fun at all either. It's always assignments and deadlines!!! I don't remember having time for even partying or even meeting up with my old friends from high school. But after coming to the UK, I realised that the college life here is what I've always imagined college or university life to be. They really know how to balance out their life. There is work and play where you don't go nuts or crazy just doing your assignments and play to release your stress and have fun! My university now is having 'Fresher's Week' where they organise parties for students to socialise and mix around before their term starts. So this whole week, It's just PARTY PARTY PARTY!!!

Well, other then partying, I did manage to get some stuff done as well today. I went to my main campus at Bower Ashton to get my timetable, register myself as well as familiarise my way in my new environment where I will be spending my year. I was really blown away by the facilities they have. Their art and design library is really BIG!!! They have so many books and even magazines dating back to the 70's or even older. We can even borrow DVD's, CD's and Video tapes from the library. They really have a huge selection of movies to borrow from. You'll never ever get bored EVER again!!! We can even borrow slides as well as the projector for the slides! I was really surprised that we can actually borrow all this! If we want to borrow video camera's for motion graphics, we are more then welcome to borrow them as well. I can bet with you that none of the colleges or universities back home (in Malaysia) will ever let students borrow any of these items. It'll be too precious for them to even let students touch them. I'm not talking bad about the universities back home, just that their facilities can't even compare to the facilities they have here in UWE.

What I really love most is that they have different studios for different things like a studio for purely print making and they have these HUGE old fashion machines for print and they even have letterpress printing where you can experiment using the old fashion printing back in the olden days before they had typewriters. Another studio was for screen printing, wood making, sclupture, and my most favourite of all...enamelling studio! I really have to make full use of all the facilities they have here in the University. After all my parents are paying 6 to 7x more (fees) then the EU students because I'm an international student, so...yeah I'll definitely make full use of their facilities. Can't wait for my classes to start! I am so excited!!! Nothing can describe what I'm feeling now. :)